


La Vie En Gris

by skyblue_reverie



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Alternate Universe - Slavery, Dubious Consent, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-29
Updated: 2011-07-29
Packaged: 2017-10-21 22:16:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/230455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyblue_reverie/pseuds/skyblue_reverie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything had changed on Burning Night, and Leonard was just surviving from day to day.  Then a certain gray-eyed Commandant appeared and everything changed again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	La Vie En Gris

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in an AU based on Margaret Atwood's _The Handmaid's Tale_. Basically, all you need to know is that it's a future dystopia; there's a totalitarian government that enforces a rigid caste system, birthrates are low and those who can bear children are slaves of the state.

Leonard straightened his drab gray trousers, wincing at the soreness in his ass. Damn, he hated it when Jeffers was the Shepherd on duty. The man was underendowed with brains but unfortunately over-endowed elsewhere, and even more unfortunately, he had taken a shine to Leonard. It could have been worse, though. He could've been one of the poor bastards shipped out to the colonies, cleaning up radioactive waste without any protective gear.

Still, when a person's choices boiled down to repeated rape or slow death by radiation poisoning, there was something deeply fucked-up about the world. He tightened his mouth and forced himself into motion. No point dwelling on things that couldn't be changed. He grabbed his medical bag from the scuffed floor and left the room without glancing behind him. If he saw Jeffers' smug face he'd want to punch the asshole's teeth in and he'd been down that road before. It hadn't been pleasant.

He started his morning rounds, checking on the pregnant bearers in their white gowns. He suppressed a stab of envy -- it wasn't like it was that wonderful to be a virtual prisoner, confined to bed except for bathroom trips and sedate daily walks around the compound. Though at least they got to go outside, and they were free from unwanted attentions... until they'd given birth and their babies were taken away and the whole process began again.

May and Lucinda were doing well, but Brian was looking a little pale and lethargic, and Leonard didn't like it. He placed a hand on Brian's swollen belly, feeling for movement. There was a weak flutter under his palm, nothing like the vigorous kicking of the prior weeks. He swallowed hard. This was the worst part of his whole miserable existence.

"I don't know, Brian. The baby's still alive for now, but..." He shook his head.

Brian squeezed his eyes shut and nodded briefly.

"I'm putting you on complete bed-rest. No more walks. No more bathroom trips. You'll have to use a bedpan. I'll check on you again in an hour, all right?"

Brian nodded once again in acknowledgement, but his lips were already forming the words of the Bearer's Plea.

Prayer and rest. Fuck. This was what the state of medicine was reduced to. In the Before Times, he would have had a medical scanner available to tell him exactly what was wrong with Brian's baby. And he would have damn well been able to fix whatever the problem was -- whether it required an advanced laser surgical procedure or a cocktail of delicately calibrated drugs delivered via hypospray.

Of course, in the Before Times, a man wouldn't have been able to get pregnant in the first place. No one was really sure what had caused that mutation -- some said it was the gamma radiation from the weaponry used during the Romulan Conflict, others said it was a biological agent that had been deployed by terrorists. No one was even certain whether it was the same mutation that had caused the human birthrate to plunge to potential extinction levels, or whether they were from different causes. Or maybe the birthrate plunge had triggered the mutation that allowed men to bear children. It didn't really matter. The result was the same.

About the only silver lining in the whole fucked up situation, if it even counted as a silver lining, was that the Klingons and Romulans had suffered the same fate. With birth rates so low, no one had the resources to wage intergalactic warfare, so at least there was peace -- or, more accurately, an uneasy detente -- for now. Hell, space travel had been practically suspended. Everyone was licking their wounds, trying to ensure the survival of their respective species.

Of course, if you asked Leonard, the way the humans had gone about it was just about the stupidest way possible, but then no one was asking him.

Christ, he was woolgathering again. Time to go check in on the bearers who were not with child. It was morning exercise hour and so he headed for the gymnasium.

After the quiet restfulness of the area he'd just left, the gym was jarring. Men and women in flowing red garments moved around the space like enormous butterflies. Technically, he should have been among them, but after multiple miscarriages no one was interested in using him as a bearer anymore, and so he'd been able to slip into a role as caretaker to the others -- well, and unwilling whore for the staff. But then again, being a whore was pretty much a given, no matter what he did.

Leonard made his rounds, stopping to talk to a few bearers who had recurring health issues. But overall, everyone was doing well. Or, as well as could be expected of people kept in sexual slavery.

There was a ripple of awareness through the room and Leonard turned to see what had caught everyone's attention. He found himself stilling, holding his breath.

The man who had just entered the room carried an unmistakable aura of power and command with him, and that was even without taking into account the iron-gray of his Commandant's uniform. He was around 50, Leonard estimated, his golden-brown hair shot through with gray the same shade as his clothing. His face was calm, without a hint of expression, but somehow Leonard got the impression of weariness and deep strength coexisting, and of resigned abhorrence at what he was seeing here.

His gaze swept the room, and he was obviously evaluating each bearer in a matter of seconds. Leonard was pretty sure that despite the rapidity of the evaluation, those sharp eyes didn't miss much. Then his eyes locked with Leonard's and Leonard forgot to breathe.

Leonard wasn't much of a romantic -- maybe he had been, in the Before Times, even if he'd kept it well-hidden. But the years had knocked it out of him, replacing it with a soul-deep wariness and cynicism. Still, something in him stirred unmistakably when this man looked at him. From the mere fact that the man hadn't continued with his survey, but was instead still maintaining their locked gaze, he guessed that maybe he felt something too.

Without ever looking away from Leonard, the man said something to his companion, and Leonard now realized that the Administrator of the Centre was at the man's side. That was highly unusual. Men looking for a bearer -- and that was obviously what was going on here -- didn't usually rate the Administrator's personal attention.

He strained his ears, but could only catch a few words.

“…bearer?” That was the visitor.

“Technically, but…” Leonard couldn’t hear the rest of the Administrator’s sentence but he knew he was being discussed, his strange hybrid staff-bearer position here at the Centre being explained.

He saw the Administrator's face twist in displeasure at what the Commandant was saying to him in return, but the Administrator beckoned him over nonetheless. Leonard's feet were already moving, and he felt dazed, not fully in control of his actions. It was a strange sensation.

As he approached them, he could see that the Commandant's eyes were a steely gray-blue, and that there were deep lines of worry and exhaustion etched on his handsome face. He had the bizarre urge to smooth those lines away. He kept both of his hands firmly at his sides.

"Yes, Administrator?" he asked. He kept his eyes, though, on the Commandant, who raised an eyebrow at him. He realized that his continued eye contact could be construed as impudence, even insubordination. It didn't stop him from maintaining his gaze. He thought he saw the ghost of a smile on the Commandant's face, and then suddenly he was released from that penetrating gaze as the man turned to the Administrator. Leonard felt as though he'd been freed from a physical grasp.

"I'll take this one," the man was saying in a low voice.

"Surely one of the others would be more suitable. Leonard has repeatedly demonstrated his inability to carry to term, and -- "

"Him." The Commandant's voice brooked no disagreement. Leonard flushed dully at the conversation, but had no time to brood over it because now the Commandant was addressing him.

"My name is Christopher Pike," he said. "You're mine now."

Leonard bristled, and glared. "Yes, sir," he said, in his best "fuck you" tone of voice. He didn't belong to anyone, no matter what the law said. Pike just looked at him with faint amusement, and that hint of a smile was back.

"Come on," Pike told him. "Let's go home."

Leonard snorted. Home. There hadn't been a single place he'd call "home" since the Before Times. But Pike was leaving now, already walking out of the room, clearly expecting him to follow, and the Administrator was giving him a murderous look. It wasn't like he had much of a choice anyway, and he might as well retain what shreds of dignity he could, walking out rather than being dragged.

Pike wasted no time. Within fifteen minutes, Leonard's meager belongings, which consisted of his medical bag and a few changes of clothing, had been gathered up, and his ownership papers had been officially transferred to Pike.

He thought about Brian -- he'd never know, now, whether he miscarried or not, but it wasn't like he could have done anything about it, one way or another. He could only hope that Brian -- and Lucinda, and May, and all the rest of the bearers -- would be all right. Though really, how could they be, in this hellish situation?

Then those thoughts were swept away as Pike led him outside and into a hovercar. Pike slid in next to him in the back seat and the driver took off smoothly. They exited the gates of the Centre and within a few minutes they had entered the city proper. He knew he was gawking, but he couldn't help it. It had been -- god damn, it had been nearly three years since he'd been beyond the walls of the Centre's compound. Most bearers spent their entire pregnancy at the Centre. Only the very rich or very powerful could procure sole ownership of a bearer.

The city passed by all too quickly and soon they were crossing over the Golden Gate Bridge, and then they were turning off onto a side road and entering another walled compound. This must be Pike's property. It was set back, high in the rolling green hills of Marin County, and it was beautiful, lush and green and almost wild. The hovercar pulled up in front of the house, a large two-story wooden structure painted in dark, muted colors. McCoy was no expert in architecture, but it looked like a craftsman-style house. If it was original, and he'd bet that it was, then it was built back in the early 20th century, making it hundreds of years old. He looked surreptitiously over at Pike. It wasn't the kind of place he'd expect a Commandant to live, since most officers of the Regime lived at the top of the glass and metal towers that made up the city, but then he was already getting the distinct impression that Pike wasn't a typical officer of the Regime.

Pike ushered him inside, and a maid came and took Leonard's bags. The inside of the house matched the outside, with an understated sense of age, sturdiness, and solidity. The floors were dark wood, the walls a creamy, soothing yellow with white crown molding. The furniture was plain and comfortable-looking, but obviously high-quality.

"It's just about lunchtime," Pike said, breaking the silence. "Frederick will have something prepared. Follow me."

Pike's high-handedness was annoying, but it could have been far worse. Then again, who knew what was coming? Maybe it would get worse, though... somehow, he didn't think so. Pike was obviously powerful, but he didn't strike Leonard as brutal or cruel. Well, he'd find out soon enough.

Lunch was a quiet affair. The food was better than anything Leonard had had in years, since the Before Times. There was tomato soup, and grilled fish, and vegetables topped with real butter. He tried not to dive in like a pig, but he wasn't sure he succeeded. He couldn't stop the small moans of appreciation, though, and the expression on his face, he was sure, was nothing short of ridiculous.

Pike didn't seem put off, though, just watching him with that look of faint amusement and tolerance while he ate his own lunch.

Finally he'd had his fill, and a servant came to clear the dishes from the table.

Pike leaned forward on his elbows, suddenly all business. “We need to discuss expectations. I think you’ll find that I’m not an unreasonable man. Your time is your own, except for when I require your… services. You can go anywhere on the property, with the exception of my office, which I keep locked anyway. If you are interested in going to the city, let me know, and if possible I’ll arrange for you to go there, with a chaperone. You are more than welcome to interact with the members of the staff, but you are not to engage in intimacy with anyone but me. Do you have any questions?”

Leonard shook his head. He felt numb – he was exhausted and overwhelmed by all that had happened. He was sure that as soon as he was feeling a bit more like himself, he’d have plenty of questions, but right now articulating any of them was beyond him.

Pike cocked his head at Leonard, then nodded. “Maybe later, then. Hannah will show you to my room, and if you want you can take a shower and get changed.”

“Your room?” That certainly caught Leonard’s attention.

“Yes. You’ll be staying in my room, sleeping in my bed.” It was a simple statement of fact, and Leonard shivered a little at the implications.

Wasn’t like he had any choice in the matter, though, so he just said, “Yeah, a shower would be good.”

As if she’d been listening to the conversation – and hell, maybe she had – the maid who had taken his bag appeared. Hannah, Leonard presumed. She was young, maybe early 20s. She had brown hair tucked up into her ruffled cap, and a modest gray dress that somehow looked far more comfortable than the garments worn by servants at the Centre. Leonard followed her upstairs. He only got a brief impression of the bedroom, modestly sized and with solid, unostentatious furniture, before he was led into the master bathroom. It had a clawfoot tub and a separate shower cubicle. It wasn’t luxurious, but it matched the rest of the house, simple, functional, and somehow welcoming.

Hannah produced a neatly-folded, soft-looking towel and set it on the counter adjacent to the shower stall. “There will be clothing for you in the bedroom when you’re done.”

Her voice was soft, and her eyes modestly lowered as a servant’s were supposed to be. He wasn’t sure if he should introduce himself, but finally he just shrugged. “Thanks,” was all he said.

She nodded and withdrew. Leonard stripped quickly and got into the shower. The water was blessedly hot. At the Centre, the only showers to be had were both communal and tepid. This was a luxury he could get used to all too easily.

Quite a while after he was clean, but before he really wanted to, he turned off the water and stepped out onto a thick bath mat. The towel he’d been given was just as soft as it looked, and he reveled in the feeling of plush, absorbent terrycloth against his skin.

Then he cautiously opened the bathroom door, peeking into the master bedroom. He didn’t particularly want to be naked in front of Hannah, although it wasn’t really like he had much modesty anymore after his years in the Centre. The coast was clear, though, and he stepped out into the bedroom.

There was clothing laid out on the bed – not the drab, scratchy gray material of his Centre staff uniform, nor the flowing red garments of a bearer. Instead, there were some kind of loose-fitting brown trousers, smooth as silk against his skin as he pulled them on, and a white linen shirt.

He was a little taken aback. Uniforms were an integral part of the Regime, a way to distinguish between classes at a bare glance, as well as an effective psychological tool for keeping people in their place. Somehow, when you wore a uniform long enough, you learned to accept the role you were dressed for. Private owners of slaves, though, were permitted to dress their people any way they wanted. He felt freer now, wearing clothes that didn’t proclaim his status to the world. He was sure that Pike understood very well the favor that he had bestowed upon Leonard, and there would no doubt be payment of some kind exacted. Wasn’t much he could do about that, though, so he might as well enjoy it as well as he could.

No one came to get him after he was dressed, so he cautiously poked his head into the hallway. It was deserted. He decided to take a look around – he wasn’t exactly the meek and retiring type who would just sit and wait until someone got around to telling him what to do next.

The upstairs consisted of a few bedrooms, another bathroom, and a locked room that Leonard assumed was Pike’s mysterious study. He wasn’t particularly curious about it – pretty clear that it would be Regime business in there, and the less Leonard had to do with the Regime, the better.

Having explored the upstairs, he descended to the lower story. He’d been in the dining room already, so he went the other way, finding a den lined with built-in bookcases. They were filled with actual antique paper books from the Before Times. Leonard whistled silently. Books were proscribed, but he supposed that a Commandant could get a special dispensation. Maybe Pike would even let him read them. Of course, Bearers and other servants weren’t legally allowed to read, so maybe not.

Still, he could at least touch them, so he fingered the spines of the books, enjoying the tactile sensation against his fingertips.

Reluctantly leaving the library, he found a living room with comfortable-looking couches and armchairs placed around a viewscreen that was currently turned to the Regime’s newsnet. No big surprise there. Of course, the “news” was bullshit propaganda, but it was the only source of information that was readily available. And it wouldn’t get you shipped to the colonies either, unlike other sources of news.

The living room had large french doors that opened into the back yard. Well, “yard” wasn’t quite accurate – more like the back acreage of the property. From his vantage point, Leonard could see a chicken coop, a large vegetable garden, and a fenced grassy area that held a cow and a pig, both placidly munching some kind of feed from a trough. The presence of the cow explained the butter on his vegetables at lunch. It was nice to know he had that to look forward to, hopefully on a regular basis.

There was a meandering path that led into denser vegetation beyond that. Leonard didn’t see any fences or walls, so the property had to extend pretty far back. It would be nice to actually have some space to wander in, assuming that Pike had meant it when he said that Leonard could move around the property at will. He decided to test Pike’s statement, and opened the french doors, stepping outside. No alarms went up, and Leonard cautiously took a few more steps away from the house. Still nothing.

Emboldened, Leonard decided to go for a walk. He headed out past the cleared areas, into the wilder portions of the property. He spent the afternoon rambling, walking among trees, without a wall or another soul in sight. He felt like he could breathe free for the first time since the night the Regime took power - Burning Night. Distant memories of flames tried to rise up in Leonard’s mind, with the sounds of shouting and the smell of burning flesh, the hysterical cries of a child, and he forcibly pushed them away. Remembering did no good.

It was getting on toward dusk now, and he’d better get back. He hadn’t meant to stay out this long, really, but once he’d had a taste of freedom, however illusory, he wanted to make it last.

He reluctantly turned back, not really surprised to find Pike waiting for him when he reached the house. He glared a Pike with a mixture of fear and resentment, hating himself for the fear but unable to contain it. Now he’d find out what the punishment would be for taking advantage of the permission granted to him to explore and pushing it far beyond what Pike had probably intended for him to do.

Pike just raised an eyebrow at him and said calmly, “I thought you were going to miss dinner. Frederick’s cooking is really too good to go to waste.”

Leonard gawped. That was not what he’d expected, to say the least. Pike obviously noted his reaction, judging by the faint amusement that flickered over his face, but he just said, “Come on.”

Dinner was much like lunch – fresh food, simply prepared, and only Pike and Leonard at the table. Pike filled the silence with small talk – which vegetables were grown during which seasons, which plants and animals did well in the somewhat cool and foggy local climate, and the fish pond on the property, which Leonard had missed on his rambles, that provided trout for the table. Pike invited Leonard to work in the garden or fish in the pond if he so desired, but made it clear that it wasn’t part of his duties.

He was charming, attentive, and knowledgeable. Leonard, for his part, grunted when a response was clearly required of him and glared at nothing in particular during the rest of the time. He was aware that he was sulking rather spectacularly, but after all this wasn’t a goddamn _date_ \-- he was here, against his will, as a sex slave and brood mare, and he’d be damned if he’d let either of them forget it.

Pike didn’t seem to be put off by his surliness – in fact, he seemed to take it as a challenge, keeping up a low-key but pleasant stream of speech in the face of Leonard’s determined silence.

After dinner, they moved to the living room. Pike motioned for Leonard to sit on the couch, and he did, feeling slightly awkward. Pike sat on the other end of the couch – close enough for easy conversation but without crowding Leonard.

“We could watch something on one of the entertainment ‘nets, if you want, or talk, or you could pick out a book to read from the library.” Pike’s slight smirk told Leonard that he already knew which option he’d choose. Still, if this was a test, he wasn’t going to stick his neck out.

“Bearers aren’t allowed to read,” he said.

Pike looked into his eyes. Leonard suppressed a shiver – eyes the color of steel should have been cold, but they weren’t. They were warm and direct, and it was far too tempting to get lost in their depths. “Leonard, as you’ve probably surmised, I’m fairly highly placed in the Regime. As long as I toe the line outside of these walls, nobody looks too closely at what I do inside of them. Well, except for the insistence that I get a bearer and produce a child. But trust me when I say that there will be no repercussions if you wish to read.”

Leonard stared at Pike, trying to figure out what he was up to. Softening him up, it seemed like, though for what reason, he couldn’t quite figure out. He could have just thrown Leonard down on the floor and fucked him. No real need for all this… kindness. Leonard was suspicious of kindness.

Pike read him easily, and he raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. “No ulterior motives. Well, unless you count the fact that I prefer for my people to be happy. I don’t like the institution of slavery any more than you do – “

Leonard interrupted with a snort. “Try living it, then tell me that.”

“All right, that’s fair. Nevertheless, the idea is repugnant to me. I’d rather that you be happy. Quite frankly, I’d rather that you came to my bed willingly, but neither of us has much of a choice in that matter. But I can promise you that if you follow my few rules, you’ll be treated well and given a lot of latitude.”

Leonard was silent. It was a good deal. Better than most had – hell, better than he’d had since the Regime took over. But it was still slavery, however Pike wanted to dress it up.

When the silence had stretched out for a few moments, Pike spoke again. “Go on. Pick out a book. I’ll have tea brought in and do some work while you read.”

It was an invitation that Leonard couldn’t resist. He went into the den and spent his time perusing the bookshelves, noting the variety, from biographies to classic fiction. He paused when he came across a battered copy of _Watership Down_. It had been one of his favorites as a boy, and he’d always planned on sharing it with – he quickly shut down that line of thought. Still, he couldn’t resist the chance to re-read it, so he carefully removed it from its spot on the shelf and carried it into the living room.

Pike was already focused on a PADD, absently sipping from a mug, so Leonard sat back down on the couch without speaking. There was a tray now on the low table in front of the sofa, which held a pot of herbal tea – it smelled like mint and apples – and various accoutrements. No sugar, but that wasn’t really a surprise. There was honey, though, and that was an unexpected luxury. He idly wondered if Pike kept bees, as he added a dollop to his mug, and then he settled in to drink his tea and read about Hazel and Fiver and their search for a new home.

It was disturbingly cozy and domestic, and for the first time in as long as he could remember, Leonard felt almost content.

As the evening wore on, though, he became more and more nervous. Pike seemed like a decent man, all things considered, but that didn’t mean that Leonard wanted to have sex with him. Not that he was unattractive – under different circumstances, Leonard could easily see himself responding to Pike’s obvious charisma. But he’d never liked being coerced, and he wasn’t about to forget that very shortly he’d be expected to spread his legs for someone who was, after all, a complete stranger.

Eventually Pike shut off his PADD and turned to Leonard. “Come on, let’s go up to bed.”

Leonard gulped, nodded jerkily, and followed. The walk to the bedroom was made in silence. When they entered the room, Pike closed the door behind Leonard. Pike immediately began to strip, efficiently and without fuss, piling his clothes neatly in a chair in the corner. Leonard kept his eyes firmly fixed on that chair, and not on Pike’s body. He didn’t remove his own clothes either – maybe it was petty, but he’d be damned if he’d act like he was doing this willingly. He’d wait until Pike ordered him to do it.

The silence continued, though, and no order was forthcoming. Leonard frowned. He risked a peek at Pike, who was pulling on a soft cotton t-shirt over a pair of ancient, faded flannel pajama pants. Huh. That was… not what he expected. Pike motioned to the bed, and Leonard saw that another t-shirt and pair of pajama pants were folded there. He glared suspiciously at Pike. Was he trying to lull Leonard into a false sense of security?

Pike, for his part, sighed and rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to ravish you, Leonard. I already told you, I prefer my partners willing. We may not have that luxury, but I’m not going to throw you onto the bed and force you. For tonight, at least, we can just sleep in the same bed, get used to each other. I won’t even touch you if you don’t want me to. I’ll stay on one side of the bed and you can stay on the other.”

Pike followed up this speech by pointedly climbing under the fluffy down comforter and turning his back to Leonard. Leonard waited for a few more moments, then he scrambled into the pajamas, leaving his body bare for as little time as possible. He hesitantly climbed into the bed on the far side and lay there stiffly.

He felt incredibly awkward. His nose itched, but he didn’t want to move to scratch it. He wasn’t in a very comfortable position, but again, he didn’t want to move around and risk drawing attention to himself. He believed Pike when he said he wouldn’t force him, at least tonight, but… no point in taking unnecessary risks. He tried to keep his breathing slow and even, but it felt forced and he was starting to get lightheaded from the unnatural pattern of breaths. He closed his eyes tightly and willed himself to sleep, not that _that_ ever did any good.

He heard Pike’s breath deepen and take on a slight rasp of a snore, and that let Leonard relax enough to scratch his nose, get into a more comfortable position, and finally, finally, drift off to sleep.

When he woke the next morning, Pike was gone, and there was a clean set of clothes laid out for Leonard. He took a quick shower, dressed, and then wandered downstairs in search of breakfast. Poking his head into the kitchen, he saw a man he assumed to be Frederick, the chef, kneading a large mass of dough.

He was totally focused on his work, and Leonard took a moment to study him. He was short and stocky, with dark hair and features that suggested a Pacific Islander background. His face was intent and serious, but he didn’t have the edge of desperation and despair that Leonard so often saw on the faces around him.

Leonard’s stomach grumbled and Frederick looked up sharply, regarding him with suspicion. “May I help you?” Frederick asked, voice carefully neutral.

This was going to be awkward – technically they were both servants, and the same rank. But in practice, the relationship between bearers and other servants was strained. Some servants thought bearers had it easy – all they had to do was sleep with the boss, and they got coddled and waited upon by the other servants. Of course, most bearers would rather do cooking or cleaning than have their bodies used against their will, both for sex and for gestating babies who would either not survive to term or, if they did, would be taken from their birth parent immediately.

Or at least, that was what Leonard had heard from the bearers at the Centre who had previously been private bearers in a large household. He’d never had a chance to experience the dynamic for himself before.

It wasn’t really in his nature to be friendly, but he figured that since he was the newcomer here, it was up to him to make the first move.

“Hi there, I’m Leonard, and you must be Frederick.”

The man nodded but made no move to shake hands. Of course, his hands were buried in dough, so that was understandable.

“I wanted to thank you for the meals I’ve had so far,” Leonard continued. “They were fantastic. I haven’t eaten so well in years.” The “since the Before Times” went unsaid, but they both heard it.

Frederick’s eyes warmed just a bit, though his tone remained neutral. “You’re welcome. Would you like something for breakfast?”

“Oh, I don’t want to be any bother. I can just grab myself something – a piece of fruit, maybe, or some bread.”

Frederick shook his head. “The Commandant made it clear that you’re to be treated like a guest. Go sit down in the dining room and I’ll bring you breakfast.”

Leonard sighed. Pike probably meant well, but all he’d done was drive a wedge between him and the other servants before he even had a chance to get to know them. If Leonard was going to have any chance of fitting in here, he was going to have to undo the damage. “If you haven’t eaten, why don’t you sit down and have breakfast with me?”

Frederick stared at him for a moment, before finally nodding. Leonard wasn’t sure if Frederick was agreeing because he wanted to, or because he thought he had to do what Leonard asked, but either way, hopefully they could get to know each other a little better.

He went back out to the dining room, and sat at the table, running his fingers over the smooth grain of the wood as he heard Frederick moving around the kitchen. He heard a kettle whistle, he heard the sizzle of butter in a pan and then the unmistakable aroma of frying eggs wafted towards him. His mouth watered.

Within a few minutes, Frederick was bringing a tray out to the table. It held two plates of eggs and toast, a jar of some kind of homemade preserves, another jar of honey, and a pot of tea with two mugs.

They both busied themselves with food and drink for a few minutes before either of them spoke.

Leonard cast around for a safe topic. Talking about the Before Times was out. It wasn’t exactly prohibited, but it was certainly frowned upon. He didn’t want to ask about Pike and put Frederick in an awkward position of figuring out what to say that wouldn’t get him in trouble with their mutual boss.

He figured that talking about the food would be relatively innocuous, so he again complimented Frederick’s culinary skills and asked him about the jam. As he’d hoped, it relaxed Frederick and they chatted through breakfast about the wild blackberry bushes on the property and the blueberry seedlings that Frederick had just planted that year, which he hoped would bear fruit the following summer.

Hannah entered the room and began clearing the table, and immediately the relaxed, friendly environment that had been developing was gone. Frederick tensed and rose to his feet, retreating back to the kitchen without a word. Hannah just shrugged and gave him a small smile. Obviously there was some story there, but he was sure he wouldn’t get it until he’d been there for longer.

He shrugged back. “I’m Leonard. Nice to meet you.”

“Hannah. It’s part of my job to make sure that your stay here is comfortable, so if there’s anything you need, just let me know.” She peeked upward at him through her lashes. Holy hell – was she _flirting_ with him? He didn’t know whether to be amused or horrified. He settled for a brief nod and a “thank you.” Then he beat a hasty retreat to the library.

He spent most of the day in an armchair in the living room, thumbing through a stack of books he’d selected from the library. It was a gray, drizzly day, and going outside didn’t seem quite as appealing today as it had yesterday. He wondered where Pike was, and he tried to suppress the unexpected feeling that he actually missed the man.

It was almost fully dark when he heard a hovercar outside, followed shortly by the opening and closing of the front door. Pike’s sudden presence was an almost palpable thing, even before Leonard could hear his voice. He heard low murmurs of instructions being given, though he couldn’t make out the words, and then, unmistakably, “Where’s Leonard?”

He heard Hannah’s responsive murmur and he’d risen to his feet before he even had time to think about it. The moment when Pike stepped into the room and their eyes met was nearly electric, just as it had been at the Centre. He and Pike moved toward each other, stopping, somewhat awkwardly, when less than a foot of distance separated them.

“Hello, Leonard.” Pike’s voice was husky.

“Commandant Pike,” Leonard said, swallowing hard. A brief grimace crossed Pike’s face and Leonard wondered what he’d done wrong.

“Please, call me Chris.” Well, that was an unusual request, but Leonard certainly wasn’t going to make an issue of it.

“All right. Chris,” he said. He felt almost breathless, and this was completely ridiculous. At least it seemed like he wasn’t the only one feeling it. He licked his lips, a nervous habit, and he saw Chris’s eyes drop to them immediately, his pupils expanding. Leonard froze.

Chris shook his head once, as if clearing it, and then took a step back. “I’m going to shower and change, and then we’ll have dinner.” Leonard nodded, and Chris turned on his heel and abruptly stalked out of the room. Leonard nearly sagged, the unbearable tension in the room suddenly gone.

He set his book down on the coffee table, mentally noting the page he was on before closing it, and then made his way into the dining room. Hannah was setting the table, and she offered him a quick but friendly smile. He nodded amicably in return.

Pike walked into the room then, and although his neutral expression didn’t change, Leonard was quite sure that his sharp eyes had caught the exchange. Leonard looked at Pike defiantly. He’d said he was welcome to befriend the other servants, after all. A brief, almost rueful smile passed over Pike’s features as he seated himself. He was wearing an outfit almost identical to Leonard’s, now, brown pants and a white shirt. He looked different without his uniform – more relaxed, more approachable.

“How was your day?” Pike asked him, and the question was so _normal_ that Leonard was momentarily disoriented.

“Just fine, dear, and how was yours?” he parried, and that smile was back on Pike’s face, lasting a little longer this time. Leonard found himself smiling in return. He was a little surprised the expression didn’t cause his whole face to crumble and break off. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d smiled.

“Mmm, rough day at the office, but better now that I’m home,” Pike said, and Leonard found himself tutting mock-sympathetically.

They ate together, and it was as quiet as their previous meals had been, but there was a growing ease between them that hadn’t been there before. It was strange, because usually it took Leonard quite a while to warm up to people – well, to be honest, it was more like it took them a while to warm up to _him_. If they ever did. He wasn’t an easy man to get to know, and he liked it that way.

The hours after dinner were a repeat of the prior night, only this time Leonard selected one of the less-annoying options from the entertainment nets, since he’d spent most of the day reading. Pike worked on a PADD, but from time to time he looked up at the screen or at Leonard, letting his gaze linger. Leonard wasn’t sure if he liked those long, assessing looks or not.

Eventually Pike rose, shutting off his PADD and putting it down on the coffee table next to his empty mug of tea. When he stood and beckoned, Leonard turned off the viewscreen and rose as well, following Pike out of the room and up the stairs.

They prepared for bed silently, but Leonard was aware of a current between them. Pike had been patient, but surely that patience wouldn’t last forever. Leonard made an abrupt decision. He stripped off his pajamas and said, “Let’s get this over with.”

Pike looked at him for a long minute, then spoke. “Well, you sure know how to make a man feel wanted,” he said.

Leonard rolled his eyes. “We both know this isn’t about that – affection, lust, any of those things. It’s being forced on both of us.”

Pike’s face shuttered immediately. “I told you I wouldn’t force you.”

“Yeah, and I appreciate it. But we’ve got to do it sometime or other, and I’d rather get it over with, instead of having it hanging over my head.”

“And again with the ego strokes.”

Leonard didn’t reply, only crossed his arms over his chest. He’d made his position clear.

Pike let out a sigh, like _Leonard_ was the one being unreasonable here, and said, “Come here.”

Leonard forced himself to step up in front of Pike, their faces only inches apart. From this distance, all he could see were Chris’s eyes, and they were so revealing, regarding him with a mixture of worry and desire.

Then Chris was leaning in, closing the distance between them, brushing dry lips against Leonard’s. Leonard sighed softly into the kiss. It had been ages since anyone had bothered with the niceties, and Leonard realized with a sudden ache how much he’d missed them.

Pike seemed to take that as a sign of approval, and he wasn’t wrong, really. He leaned in further, wrapped one hand around the back of Leonard’s neck, and deepened the kiss. Leonard was caught between the dual sensations of Pike’s callused fingers running gently through the short hairs at the nape of his neck, and the gentle, insistent press of his lips. It felt good. Better than good. It was goddamn incredible, was what it was.

After what felt like far too short a time, Pike pulled back and looked into his eyes, seemingly searching for something. “You okay?” he asked, and his voice was husky. Leonard nodded jerkily.

“I think we’ll be more comfortable if we get in bed,” Pike said. A spike of panic went through Leonard’s guts – was he really ready for this? But it was too late to back out now, so he climbed into the huge, soft bed and lay on his back.

When Chris moved to join him, Leonard asked, “Aren’t you going to take off your pajamas?”

Chris shook his head. “Not tonight.” Leonard was unutterably relieved. Didn’t matter that he was the one who’d initiated this – he knew in his heart of hearts that he wasn’t ready for it.

Chris gave a small smile that said he knew exactly how Leonard was feeling, but it wasn’t a mean smile, or a superior one. It was a gentle one. It was a smile that Leonard could get to like. A lot.

Chris laid down next to him and drew him back into strong, warm arms, and Leonard relaxed into it, knowing that nothing would be happening tonight that would make him uncomfortable. The feeling of safety was both strange and beguiling. Nothing in this new world was safe, and yet – Leonard felt secure, for the first time in years.

They kissed, and touched each other’s arms, faces, and chests, and although the heat between them was undeniable, Chris carefully kept it banked, not letting it flare out of control. Chris was hard and aching, and pressing up against Leonard, but Leonard's cock stayed stubbornly flaccid. He was beginning to thaw, beginning to think that he wanted Chris, but his body wasn't cooperating, wasn't ready. He groaned in frustration, and Chris pulled back fractionally, resting his forehead against Leonard’s.

“That’s enough for tonight,” Chris said. He looked into Leonard's eyes, and there was concern there, but no censure. Leonard didn't want to talk about it, though, and he turned his head away.

Chris's voice was gentle but matter-of-fact, which Len appreciated. It allowed him to keep control of his own emotions. "Hey, it's okay. I get it. I can be patient when it's worth it, and you're definitely worth it, Leonard. You can't force it, and I don't want you to. All right?"

“Yeah, all right,” Leonard agreed, feeling strangely shy.

Chris pushed at Leonard’s shoulder, urging him to roll over onto his other side. As soon as Leonard had done so, Chris pulled him close, spooning him, and wrapping one arm firmly around his middle. Leonard drifted to sleep, surprisingly content.

Days passed, and then weeks, flowing together like a lazy, sluggish river. Chris never pushed Leonard farther than he was comfortable with, and that comfort zone accordingly grew bit by bit. It might’ve gone on in that vein indefinitely if not for the visit from three Regime council members.

The day of the council members’ visit started very pleasantly. It was a Saturday, which meant that Chris didn’t have to go into the city. It had become their routine to sleep in a bit on the weekends, lazily holding and kissing each other, before finally getting out of bed. Then they’d share a shower, and they'd take their time, both washing themselves but sneaking little touches as well. It always left Chris rock hard and gasping, and left Leonard unaroused physically if not mentally, but strangely somehow neither was unsatisfied by these encounters. It was all Len was ready for, and Chris seemed to have both an uncanny ability to read Len, and infinite patience when it came to Len's comfort level.

They were talking more too – not about anything deep or heavy, certainly not about their pasts, but conversation flowed easily, something Len wasn't really used to. He thought that if they'd met under different circumstances, he could easily have found himself in love with Chris.

Saturday afternoon found them rambling the back acreage of Pike's property, quietly enjoying each other's company on an overcast, chilly day. As it approached dusk, they turned back, wanting to warm up with a hot drink and a wood fire. But when they got back in sight of the house, Pike suddenly stopped short, and Len stumbled into his back.

"What the hell?" Len grumbled, and Pike shushed him abruptly. Len stilled. Something was wrong.

Two women and one man were standing just outside of the back doors of the house, arms folded and wearing identical expressions of impatience. They were also wearing the severe jet-black of Regime council members. Shit. There was no way this could be good.

"Council members. This is a surprise. To what do I owe the honor?" Pike's voice was carefully neutral.

One of the two women, tall, and middle-aged, with close-cropped gray hair, stepped forward slightly and spoke. "Commandant Pike. As you know, you have been given an extreme amount of latitude in the matter of your duty to produce issue."

Leonard set his teeth and attempted to hold back a growl. "Produce issue"? The woman couldn't even say "get some unwilling slave pregnant with your baby"?

Pike was responding, though, and Len forced himself to focus. "Council members. Perhaps we'd be more comfortable having this discussion inside? Can I offer you refreshments?"

The male council member shook his head. "No thank you. And our visit will be short. We're here to inform you that a vid transmitter is being placed in your bedroom. The feed will be monitored to ensure that you copulate at least once per day until your bearer becomes pregnant. If your bearer does not become pregnant within six cycles, he will be removed and replaced by another of our choosing."

Leonard felt frozen. He felt Chris stiffen next to him as well, but Chris's voice remained smooth. "Council members. I appreciate your concerns, and I understand my duties, but surely these measures are not necessary."

The man spoke up again. "This isn't up for discussion. It has already been decided. We merely wanted to do you the courtesy of informing you in person. We will also be viewing the live transmission of tonight's feed to ensure that you take your responsibilities sufficiently seriously. There has been some question of that lately."

Then, without allowing Chris a chance to respond, the three turned and left, leaving behind a furious Leonard and a Chris who looked... almost frightened. Len the pull that he always felt around Chris, but now it was combined with the urge to comfort and reassure, and he found himself speaking low into Chris's ear.

"Hey, it'll be all right. We'll figure it out. And we'll give 'em one hell of a show tonight." It was part bravado, but... it was also true. He and Pike just fit together. They had since the beginning, despite the circumstances that had brought them into each other's lives. And he was ready to have sex with Chris. Well, pretty sure he was ready. He'd rather do it without observers, but he couldn't deny that part of him was secretly a little bit aroused that Chris would be claiming him in front of an audience.

Without really thinking about it, he reached out and laid a hand on Chris's shoulder, squeezing gently. It wasn't acceptable for servants, even bearers, to touch their masters uninvited, and for a moment Leonard froze, thinking he'd overstepped. But Chris turned to him, and some of the stiffness eased from his posture. His searching eyes met Len's.

"I don't want to make you do anything you're unwilling to do."

Leonard, for the first time in years, found himself actually blushing. Not flushing in anger, but an honest-to-god _blush_. He could even feel the tips of his ears burning. He dropped his eyes. "Not unwilling," he mumbled.

He felt Chris's fingers under his chin, and his head was gently tipped up so that their eyes were meeting again. "Are you sure?" In that question, there was a world of tenderness, mixed unmistakably with desire.

Leonard met his gaze and, for once, didn't even attempt to bluster or hide what he was feeling. "I'm sure."

The warmth in Chris's answering smile took his breath away. Chris reached his hand toward Leonard's face, and his thumb brushed gently over Len's cheekbone. Len turned into the caress, almost unbearably moved.

From the roughness in Chris's voice, he was similarly affected. "Come on, then. Let's have dinner, and then we'll go upstairs."

They took their meal in front of the living room fireplace, sitting on the carpet, picking at their plates and shooting glances at each other. The tension was nearly unbearable, but... in a good way. It was anticipation, not dread, that was making his heart beat faster.

It reminded him of the Before Times, in a way. Being with someone, knowing how the evening was going to end, but enjoying the build-up. He felt acutely aware of his own body, every nerve ending practically vibrating with pent-up energy. He was acutely aware of Chris's body, too, his lean contours covered in a layer of soft linen fabric, his exposed forearms corded with muscle and sprinkled with wiry hair, his bare feet long and elegant against the rug, his fingers sure and clever as they handled utensils and food. Those fingers would soon be on him, _in_ him, and he shivered, a full-body shudder of wanting, at the thought.

Chris's brow instantly creased in concern. "Len, are you - "

"I'm good. Better than good. Are you done eating?" He could hear the huskiness in his own voice.

Chris swallowed hastily, his pupils dilating. "Yeah. I'm done. Let's go upstairs."

The walk from living room to bedroom had never seemed so long. Once they were there, Len spared a glance for the vidcam that had been installed in the corner of the room, and then he ignored it. The fact that they were being watched added a slight extra thrill for Leonard, but tonight wasn't about that. It was about his finally joining fully with Chris, and he planned to revel in every single moment of what was to come.

He approached the bed and then hesitated, unsure how to begin. It had been so long since he'd participated voluntarily in any sexual encounter, he felt like he'd forgotten how. But then Pike was in front of him, those clever fingers moving to the buttons of Len's shirt.

"Leonard. I want to take care of you tonight. Will you let me do that?"

Len nodded, feeling a little ashamed of his own passivity, but undeniably relieved. He let his arms hang at his side while Pike removed his shirt, and then Pike was moving downward, easing his trousers down his legs and over his feet as Leonard lifted each one in turn. Soon he stood naked in front of Chris, and he couldn't feel self-conscious, not with the way Chris was looking at him, the raw hunger written on his face.

As in their prior encounters, Len wasn't hard, and as much as he wanted this... well, he wasn't sure how, or whether, his body was going to react. Pike looked at him with concern, but Leonard shook his head, silently telling him that he didn't want to discuss it. Especially not in front of the camera. It wasn't necessary for him to get an erection, or have an orgasm, to complete their task, and he knew that Chris would make sure he enjoyed this, even if he couldn't come.

Chris guided him down onto the bed, until he was lying on his back, his legs slightly spread and arms loose at his sides. Then Chris stood back and surveyed him with unmistakable possessiveness. Leonard rolled his eyes even as he thrilled a little, inwardly, at that look of pure ownership on Chris's face. Chris quirked a smile as if he knew exactly how Leonard was reacting, even if he wouldn't admit to it, and then he efficiently stripped himself.

Leonard drank in the sight of Chris's lean, toned body. His skin wasn't quite as taut as it must've once been, and there were gray hairs sprinkled in with the light brown on his chest, but still. He was gorgeous. And he knew it, too, the bastard, his smile turning into a smirk as Leonard stared.

Chris knelt on the bed, one knee between Leonard's legs and one on the outside of his right thigh, straddling his right leg. Chris's cock was already filling and thickening against Leonard's skin. He leaned down and brushed his lips over Leonard's, and Leonard immediately lifted his head, trying to deepen the kiss. Chris wouldn't allow it, though, pulling back and pinning Leonard's shoulders with his hands.

"Shhh. I'm taking care of you, remember, Leonard? I'm in control tonight. Let me do the work. Your job is to lie there and take it. Clear?"

Fuck, but he hated giving up control. Not like he had any choice, though, and - he knew Chris wouldn't take advantage of his trust. So he reluctantly nodded and laid his head back on the pillow.

"Good, that's good, Leonard. Just lie still for me." Chris then started up a thorough, and excruciatingly slow, exploration of Leonard's body, touching, kissing, or licking every square centimeter of skin. Leonard was panting before even a few minutes had passed, his body now sheened with sweat from the effort of holding himself still.

His cock, though, was still stubbornly quiescent. Chris nuzzled it, sucked the head into his mouth, laved it with his tongue, but nothing happened. Leonard felt his cheeks burning with humiliation, but Chris just looked up and met his eyes, and he saw no judgment there, no amusement, and thank god, no pity - just understanding.

Chris slid back up Leonard's body, nipping at Leonard's neck, and whispering to him, too low for the cameras to catch. "I'd rather that you came too, Leonard. I'd rather take my time and wait until you were ready. But we've got to do this tonight. Now. I'll be as gentle as I can be, though."

Leonard nodded infinitesimally against Chris's head, which was still buried in the crook of Len's neck.

Chris pulled back, kneeling up to look at Leonard, concern on his face. But he said nothing, just reached over to the bedside and picked up the bottle of lube that had been set there, probably by Hannah.

Chris opened the bottle and poured some of the lube out onto his hand, carefully slicking up his fingers. "Lift your legs now, and bend your knees," he instructed.

Leonard did as he was told, holding himself open and exposed both for Chris, and for whoever was watching the feed from the camera. Chris touched his hole with a finger, and even though the contact was gentle, it still made him start. Chris soothed him, murmuring reassurances even as his finger pressed forward and through the tight ring of muscle.

Leonard gasped and instinctively tensed. He clenched around Chris and gave a low moan. He knew he had to relax, knew it would be much less painful if he did, but somehow it was easier said than done. Chris paused, though, giving him a few seconds to adjust. As soon as Leonard had relaxed his muscles a bit, though, he pushed in his finger the rest of the way, starting up a slow rhythm, fucking Leonard with one finger.

Chris was fully hard now, his cock pressing against his belly and leaking precome, and his eyes were glazed with desire, but he held himself back, and Leonard shivered, knowing that it was only Chris's iron will that was preventing this from being an agonizing experience for Leonard.

Chris added a second finger and Leonard grunted with the effort of staying still. In the Before Times, he'd never had sex with a man. In fact, he'd married his high school sweetheart, and they'd had a... no, he wasn't going to think about that. But he'd never been with a man in the Before Times, in any case, and his only experiences with men since then had been brutal and painful. And definitely non-consensual. No one had ever bothered to prepare him or see to his pleasure. So this was... different. Completely outside of his experience. The fingers in his ass felt strange, but not painful.

Experimentally, he bucked his hips a little, encouraging Chris to fuck him faster with two fingers. Chris groaned in pure lust and followed the unspoken request, sliding two slick fingers in and out of his passage until Leonard was completely used to the sensation. He raised an eyebrow at Leonard, and Leonard nodded. Chris then added a third finger, increasing the stretch and burn but not in a bad way. In fact, it was almost beginning to feel good.

He could feel his cock stirring, and he blinked in amazement. It seemed like his body and his subconscious mind had finally relaxed enough to allow him to respond to Chris's touch.

Chris noticed too, and gave Leonard a warm smile that held no condescension, just shared relief and happiness. Then he removed his fingers from Leonard's hole, carefully slicked up his cock, and rested the large, bulbous head of it against Leonard's opening.

Leonard took a deep breath. He could do this. He'd done it before, this wasn't so different. But good god, Chris was big, and pressing against him now, he felt even bigger.

He expected Chris to inch forward, pressing in slowly and giving him time to get used to the invasion. Instead, Chris dropped forward, his hands braced on the bed on either side of Leonard's shoulders, and surged forward, pushing home in one smooth thrust.

Leonard couldn't help it - he cried out, loudly. It was surprise - it was pain, but it was also pleasure, and he hadn't expected that.

Chris bent his head down and took Leonard's mouth in a possessive, thorough kiss, and Leonard could do nothing but surrender. Chris started thrusting, not fast, but deep and forceful, every stroke drawing a gasp out of Leonard. Len's cock was fully hard, for the first time in years, and he could have wept from that alone.

Chris seemed to read him, to know how close to the edge he was emotionally, because he gentled his kisses, even while keeping up the deep, punishing thrusts of his hips. A few tears leaked out of the corner of Leonard's eyes, and Chris kissed each one away tenderly, whispering endearments into Leonard's ear.

"Sweetheart, you're doing so good. I'm so proud of you. Just relax for me, let me make you feel good. Won't hurt you, never hurt you. Shit, Len, not gonna last much longer - it's too good, you're too tight. Gonna come in your ass, gonna bury my seed inside you and make you mine completely. God, you're beautiful like this, so exposed, so vulnerable. You're so good, baby."

While he was murmuring these words softly to Leonard, he reached down and took Len's cock in his hand, fisting it with firm strokes that had Leonard keening and arching toward Chris. Chris continued to speak into his ear, telling him how wonderful he was, and how perfect, and then Chris rubbed his thumb on the sweet spot just underneath the head of Len's cock, and Leonard exploded with a shout that no doubt was heard all throughout the house.

Chris moaned in response and thrust three more times before coming himself, arching his back, pressing his cock as far into Leonard as he could, and shuddering with the force of his orgasm. Leonard felt Chris's cock pulsing against the walls of his passage, and felt the warm wetness of Chris's release like a benediction.

A few moments later, Chris moved to pull out of Leonard. Leonard made a wordless sound of protest and wrapped arms and legs around Chris, holding him in place. Chris chuckled slightly, but acceded to Leonard's wishes and stayed buried in him. Eventually, though, Chris's now soft cock slipped out on its own, and they both groaned at the loss.

Chris collapsed onto the bed next to him, and immediately drew Leonard into his arms. Leonard's mind was trying to process what had just happened, the implications for him and for Chris and for the future, but he was too worn out. He couldn't think right now.

Chris stroked his arm softly and said, "Thank you, Leonard."

Len nodded, his throat suddenly tight. Chris continued, still in that gentle tone of voice. "Sleep now, baby. We'll figure out the rest tomorrow. All right?"

Len snuggled a little into the blankets. Strangely, he had no desire to get up and scrub himself clean, the way he always had in the past. In fact, he kind of liked that he was covered in the evidence of his and Chris's coupling. He was sticky and sweaty, but it felt good. He dropped his head onto Chris's shoulder and let himself drift off, sleeping dreamlessly for the first time in many months.

After that, it was like a dam had broken, because Chris and Len couldn't get enough of each other. They fucked over practically every surface in the house, and quite a few spots in the back acreage as well. More than once, they'd been walked in on, either by Frederick or Hannah, and Len couldn't even bring himself to be embarrassed, not when Chris's cock was buried to the hilt in his ass and every hard thrust pushed him higher and higher toward some unnamable paradise. The vidcam had been removed from the bedroom, thank god - apparently even the bastards on the Council were satisfied that Chris was doing his "duty."

Len never thought he could be so greedy for it. Even in the Before Times, his sex drive had always been pretty average. But apparently he just hadn't been with the right person because now, he discovered, he was completely insatiable. He craved Chris's dick, and anytime he had to go without it for more than a few hours he found himself getting snappish and irritable, until Chris came home, bent him over the nearest piece of furniture, and fucked his brains out.

Then he'd be loose-limbed and relaxed, sarcastic but still affectionate, the way he'd always been with his lovers. The way he had been with Jocelyn. And Chris - Chris would have a sparkle in his eye and his entire face would be lit up with warmth and mischief, and he'd find a way to catch Len by surprise - maybe with a pinch on the ass, or maybe with a flying tackle followed by a tickle war.

The way they fit together was so easy, so natural, so damn _rapturous_ that the realization that he was in love with Chris really shouldn't have taken him by surprise.

He was on his back on their bed - and now it truly did feel like _their_ bed, and their room - and Chris was leaning over him, pushing Len's thighs up toward his shoulders as he pounded brutally into Len's already-sore hole. They were both slick with sweat and Chris was groaning pretty much continuously while Leonard was chanting Chris's name over and over, a litany of pleasure-pain and a plea for more.

And then Leonard was coming, and coming, and thick strands of semen were spurting out of his cock with every pulse of his blood through his body, and then words were coming out too, totally beyond his control: "Oh God, oh fuck, I love you, Chris."

And that sent Chris over the edge - as soon as he heard the words, Chris let out a broken cry and his whole body arched and spasmed as he shot his load deep within Leonard's body.

They were both shaking by the time Chris carefully withdrew and then collapsed onto the bed next to Leonard, immediately drawing him into his arms. Neither of them spoke for a long while, and then Chris said softly, "Did you mean it?"

Len hesitated, briefly considered lying, and then realized he'd never get away with it. Chris could read him too well. So instead he said, "Yeah, Chris, I meant it. I didn't know it until I said it, but it's the truth." He held his breath, waiting for a response.

Chris's face was infinitely sorrowful as he said, "Len, I don't - I can't - " he broke off, apparently not knowing how to finish the sentence.

Leonard looked away, blinking hard against the sudden stinging in his eyes. "Yeah, I get it."

"No, you don't," said Chris. He reached out, cupped Leonard's chin with his hand, and gently forced Len to turn his head back and meet his eyes. "I - care for you, Len, I do, but I can't afford to let myself love anyone. It would be used against me by my political rivals. Anyone I loved would be in danger of being taken from me and used as a hostage, or tortured for information, or killed as a 'lesson' to me. I can't do that to you. I won't."

Leonard could see the truth of Chris's words in his eyes, but the knowledge didn't much help. It still meant that he was in love with a man who didn't love him and never would.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and rolled out of bed, walking toward the bathroom. "Just gonna clean up," he said thickly. If he was in the bathroom longer than it should've taken, and his eyes were red-rimmed when he came out, well, Chris didn't comment.

Leonard got back into bed, lay on his side facing away from Chris, and closed his eyes. When Chris touched his shoulder gently, he shrugged it off. Eventually he heard Chris sigh, then Chris went into the bathroom to clean up, climbed into bed and stayed on his own side, not touching Leonard. Leonard told himself that was the way he wanted it anyway.

Things between them weren't the same after that night. Oh, they still fucked like rabbits - Leonard couldn't deny his physical ache for Chris, and Chris knew how to play him like an instrument, wringing pleasure out of him until he was left sobbing and begging for mercy.

But their conversations were stilted and awkward, Leonard wouldn't look Chris in the eye, and he shied away anytime Chris tried to touch him for any reason other than sex. He was desperately trying to make himself fall out of love with Chris, and he was failing miserably. But he'd be damned if he'd let Chris see him weak and vulnerable, so he kept up the pretense that he didn't want anything from Chris but his body. Maybe if he pretended long enough, one day it would be true.

It was against this backdrop that Chris announced one evening that they'd be adding another servant to the household - a combined handyman and groundskeeper. Leonard didn't know what had happened to the last person to hold that position, and he didn't ask. It was better not to know.

He merely grunted and continued eating his dinner, ignoring Chris's exasperated sigh. He didn't really care if there was going to be another servant, couldn't see how it could possibly impact him, and anyway he wasn't going to give Chris the satisfaction of showing any interest.

Which is why he was completely caught by surprise by the arrival of the new member of the household the next day.

He was in the library, trying to concentrate on a book, but the words kept swimming before his eyes. He was so exhausted that he couldn't properly focus, and trying was giving him a headache. At that moment, he heard the front bell ring. He wasn't going to go get it - wasn't his place, and Hannah was pretty pissy when she felt like someone was encroaching on her territory.

He heard the door opening, and Hannah murmuring, and then he heard Chris's footsteps crossing the hall, heard Chris welcoming the newcomer. At this point, his curiosity got the better of him, and he figured he'd at least take a peek. He stepped from the library out into the front hall, his eyes adjusting to the bright light streaming in from the open door. After he'd blinked a couple times, he was able to see the silhouette of a man, and as he took a few steps forward, he could see the man's face.

Leonard's breath caught in his throat. "Jim?" he said, aware that his voice was a barely-there croak. It must've been audible, though, because Hannah, Chris, and the newcomer turned to look at him.

Jim looked equally stunned, but only for a moment. Then he grinned widely and shouted "Oh my god, Bones!"

Leonard felt frozen, but he managed to stumble forward one step, then two, and then he was grabbing Jim and crushing him in a hug that he knew was far too tight. He couldn't make himself ease up, though, and judging from the way Jim was clutching back, the feeling was mutual.

When he finally let go, he held Jim at arm's length, with his hands on Jim's shoulders. "Jesus Christ, Jim, I can't believe it. Never thought I'd get to see you again. Where have you been? What have you been doing? Why are you here now?"

Jim laughed and cut off his babbling. "Whoa, Bones, slow down there. Plenty of time for catching up. Man, it's good to see you."

Len's throat felt tight. Jim had been his best friend from practically the moment they met until the day everything changed. Jim was a survivor, always had been, so Len had hoped Jim had made it somehow, but he never actually thought he'd know for sure. Leonard blinked back tears and pulled Jim into another bone-crushing hug, which Jim returned enthusiastically.

A cleared throat finally broke them apart. Chris was looking at them with one eyebrow raised and an unreadable expression on his face.

"I take it you two know each other," was his comment.

Leonard couldn't respond - he was too busy grinning like a fool at Jim, unable to believe his own eyes. Jim, of course, had more control over his emotions, always had, and so he answered Chris, his eyes briefly flicking away from Len's.

"Yes, Commandant. We knew each other in the Before Times." Jim's voice was bland, and his eyes were shuttered as he looked at Chris, only softening and brightening when they moved back to Len.

The answer was obviously not as detailed as Chris wanted, and his jaw tightened in response. He seemed likely to demand more information, but Jim was already speaking again, this time to Leonard.

"Bones, I can't believe it. What are _you_ doing here? I would've thought a world-renowned surgeon would've been snapped up by the Regime to treat its highest-ranking members." Jim's tone as he spoke of the Regime bordered on disrespectful, but never quite crossed the line. Len couldn't help shaking his head ruefully as he remembered how often Jim had used that almost-impudent tone to piss off authority figures.

"Naw, Jim, didn't you know that science is passé? Now prayer is the highest form of medicine. Doctors are out of style." His voice was sardonic, playing perfectly off of Jim's near-disrespect. He almost laughed in delight - damn but he had missed this easy rapport, the interplay between them.

Chris was obviously not amused. "Leonard, get up to the bedroom, _now_. Jim, Hannah will show you around and explain your duties. You can start by mucking out the cow's stall."

Leonard winced - it was easily the least pleasant job on the estate, but Jim just tossed off a snappy salute and said, "Yes, Commandant!" in a tone that flirted with the edge of sarcasm but that Pike couldn't quite call him on.

Leonard felt a surge of resentment at Chris's orders. He turned to go, but just before he did, he caught a wink and a mouthed "Later," from Jim, and suddenly his heart felt lighter than it had in a very long time.

Chris followed Leonard up to the bedroom, closing the door firmly behind them. "What was that about? What is Jim to you?" he demanded, voice hard.

Leonard felt his ire rising. He'd just seen his oldest friend, one he'd thought was dead, and Chris had pulled him away from their reunion to grill him about Jim, out of some petty sense of jealousy or territorialism? Oh, hell no.

Leonard clenched his jaw. "What did it look like, _Chris_?" he all but sneered.

Chris's face was stony. "It _looked like_ my bearer, _my_ property, draping himself all over some other man."

Leonard felt the blood drain from his face. It was the first time Chris had ever made Leonard feel like a thing, a possession. A slave. All the excitement, all his happiness at seeing Jim was ashes in his mouth.

Seeing his reaction, Chris sighed. "Come on, Leonard, you know I didn't mean it like that."

Looking straight into his eyes, Leonard said, "Yeah, Chris. Yeah you did."

Their eyes locked and held for a moment. Chris looked away first, and Leonard felt a bitter surge of satisfaction.

"Look, just - don't do it again," Chris said, finally.

"Don't do what again, Commandant? Don't smile at a man who was my best friend for years, who I thought I'd never see again? Don't hug him? Don't interact with him? What, specifically, are my orders, sir?"

Chris winced, but then his face hardened. "You want specifics? Fine. Don't go near him. Don't talk to him. And Leonard, don't you ever touch him again."

Leonard gaped, aghast. "I can't even talk to my best friend? What the hell, Chris?"

"Maybe at some point. But not - not until I can be sure I can trust you around him."

Any possibility of Leonard explaining that he and Jim were friends, nothing more, flew out the window with those words. Chris didn't trust him. Didn't believe that he could stay faithful, or that he would choose to. Well, fuck him. Leonard had no intention of staying away from Jim, no matter what Chris said.

With a massive effort, Leonard suppressed the urge to tell Chris exactly what he could do with his orders. Instead, he snapped, "We done here?"

"Not yet," Chris said, obviously holding onto his own control by a thread. "What did he mean, a 'world-renowned surgeon'?"

"The words aren't that difficult, Chris, I'm pretty sure you understand them. But there's a dictionary in the library if you need some help."

"Do not get cute with me, Leonard, I'm not in the mood," Chris ground out. It only pissed Leonard off more. Of course it was all about Chris's mood, Chris's needs and wants and preferences. When it came down to it, no matter what fancy words he spouted about not believing in owning slaves, that's what Leonard was to him. Suddenly Leonard couldn't contain his anger, and didn't even want to try.

"You're not in the mood? You're not in the goddamned mood? What about my mood? That doesn't matter, though, does it? What Commandant Pike wants, Commandant Pike gets. Fine - you want to know? I'll tell you.

I was happy, Chris, in the Before Times. I was successful. I was educated. I had two Ph.Ds. and an M.D. with board specialties in general surgery, neurosurgery, and exobiology. I developed a brain-stem grafting technique that revolutionized the field. I wrote a text on comparative alien anatomy that was required reading at most med schools. Oh, and by the way, I also had a wife and a beautiful three-year-old daughter. All of it's gone now, Chris, all of it. My wife dead, my little girl - " he choked. "God knows where Joanna is, or if she's even alive. There, Chris, does that satisfy your curiosity?"

There was silence. Chris looked like he'd been gut-punched, and normally Leonard would have felt awful about that, would have even tried to comfort him, but at the moment he didn't give a shit. He gritted his teeth, refusing to let the tears fall. He never thought about Joanna. Never let himself. This was why. It hurt too much. So goddamn much. So much that some days, he thought about just ending it. It wouldn't be too hard - he didn't have any drugs left in his med kit - all of those had been confiscated - but he had a small laser-scalpel tucked into the lining of the satchel that either no one had ever found or didn't care enough to remove. It wasn't big enough to make an effective weapon anyway, but it was more than enough to do the job he had in mind. Just a quick slice across any of his major arteries, and his suffering would end. It was a compelling thought.

But - he couldn't. Every time he thought that this time he'd had enough, he was going to do it, Joanna's image would come into his mind, still in her fuzzy purple pajamas - she'd been peacefully sleeping when suddenly everything went to hell on Burning Night - her dark hair mussed and tangled from struggling against the uniformed thug who was dragging her away. He could see her face, her eyes wide with panic, her cheeks red from screaming "Daddy, daddy!" over the shoulder of the man carrying her. It had taken three men to hold him back in his desperate struggles to go to her.

He'd never seen her again, had no idea what had happened to her. But if there was a chance, however infinitesimal, that she might still be alive, that one day he might find her, then he couldn't give up. Had to hang on, no matter how much it hurt.

He turned away from Chris, unwilling to let him see Leonard so vulnerable. He felt Chris approaching him from behind, felt the light touch on his shoulder. "I'm sorry," Chris murmured. Leonard didn't know what Chris was sorry for - for what had happened to Leonard? For being a jealous asshole? But Leonard wasn't in a forgiving mood. He shrugged off the hand.

"I'm going for a walk," he said gruffly. Then he practically tore out of the house, ignoring Chris's shouted "Leonard!" from behind him.

He stayed out until it was dark and cold, and only his need for warmth drove him back to the house. The house was quiet and still, with only one light on. Chris was waiting for him in the living room, looking haggard.

"Sit down, Leonard. I'm going to make you some hot tea and get you something to eat. Just stay there."

Leonard was too weary in body and soul to put up a fight. He just nodded briefly and sank down onto the leather couch. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, wishing for the millionth time that things could just go back to the way they were in the Before Times. It was a foolish dream, though, and he didn't let himself linger over it for long.

When he opened his eyes again, Chris was standing in front of him, watching him, and for one infinitesimal moment Leonard could have sworn that all the sorrow and love he felt for Chris was reflected back at him. Then it was gone, Chris's face locking down. He handed a plain white mug to Leonard - chamomile tea, from the scent of it. Chris set a plate down on the low table in front of Leonard - bread, cheese, and sliced sausage. Suddenly Leonard was ravenous. He ate, taking sips of tea, and slowly he started to feel some of the ice that had built up inside him since the fight with Chris start to thaw.

Chris watched him as he ate. When he'd had his fill, he sank back into the couch cushions and sighed. Chris seemed to take this as his opening.

"I'm sorry for your losses," he said quietly.

Leonard shrugged and looked away. "Not like I'm the only one. It's a pretty common story."

"That doesn't make it any less painful. I'm sorry for your losses, and I'm sorry that I never bothered to ask you about your life before. I should have."

This time Leonard looked back at Chris. "It doesn't matter now. What's done is done. Where do we go from here?"

Chris looked a bit startled at this. "What do you mean, where do we go from here? We go on, the same as we have been. What else would we do?"

Leonard rolled his eyes. "Chris, one thing I've learned is that nothing ever stays the same. So, what about Jim? I'm not going to stay away from him. He's my best friend - nothing more, nothing less. And Chris, I hope you know, if you send him away to keep him from me, I will never forgive you. Anything you want from me, you'll have to force me to do, because I will never willingly let you touch me again." It was a hell of an ultimatum for a slave to give his owner, but it was the truth. Some things were unforgivable. Pulling him away from Jim when he'd just found him again was one of those things.

Chris blinked as he absorbed this, but otherwise showed no outward reaction. Finally, he gave a brief nod. "I won't send him away. I won't forbid you to talk to him. But Leonard - be careful. Don't cross any lines. If I found out that you have, he'll be gone so fast you'll hear the sonic boom, and I'll make sure he can never get back to you again."

Leonard gritted his teeth against the wave of fury and humiliation this threat brought on. Still - he'd started it. Chris had just finished it. So it seemed like they had a deal. He nodded shortly, not trusting himself to speak without exploding. Chris relaxed back into the couch, apparently satisfied at having made his point.

Leonard rose from his seat, wanting nothing more than to fall into bed and sleep for an eternity. But Chris's voice, soft but steely, stopped him in his tracks.

"Oh, I don't think so, Leonard," he said. "Take off your clothes and come over here."

To Leonard's shame, his cock leaped at the words, hardening so fast it was painful. Maybe his mind was pissed at Chris, but his body had other ideas. Well, it wasn't like he had a real choice here anyway, so he might as well go along with it. He turned back, stripping his shirt over his head. When he could see again, Chris had undone his pants and pulled his cock out, but was otherwise still completely dressed. He was stroking himself lazily, looking at Leonard with predatory intent.

"Now the rest of it," he ordered, and Leonard helplessly obeyed. For a long moment, he just stood there, naked, nipples and cock erect, his whole body ready to follow Chris's slightest command.

"Very nice," Chris said approvingly. Then he took something from his pocket -- looked like a small packet of lube -- and tossed it to Leonard. Yup, lube. "Get over here and fuck yourself on my cock. Ride me hard. Don't touch yourself. Come if you can, but without touching yourself."

Leonard shuddered slightly, his feet already moving him toward Chris before he'd fully processed the words.

Surmising from his tone that Chris was low on patience, he quickly ripped the packet open, slathered the lube all over Chris's stiff purple cock, and then straddled Chris's lap. He aimed Chris, lining him up with his hole, and then started to ease himself down. Chris was having none of that. He gripped Leonard's hips firmly and pulled him down hard, impaling Leonard on his cock in one harsh movement.

Leonard's breath caught -- it hurt, so damn much -- but his cock twitched eagerly, and with Chris's hands on his hips, urging him on, he began a rhythm that was fast, hard, and just shy of unbearable. Leonard was gasping and groaning, now, and Chris was speaking, like he usually did when they fucked.

"Yeah, Leonard, like that. Good boy. Fuck yourself harder for me now. You're mine, all mine. God, look at how gorgeous you are, and how hard. You love this, don't you. Love it when I fuck you. You can't get enough, can you?"

Luckily he didn't expect Leonard to answer in words, because Leonard was far beyond the ability to speak anyway. He was close, so close, he was on the edge of coming, but Chris was too, and if he didn't get off before Chris did then he wouldn't be getting off at all. He leaned forward a bit, bracing his hands on Chris's strong shoulders, and slammed himself down hard before pulling back up, getting what friction he could against his cock from Chris's abdomen. His eyes were closed and he was reaching for his orgasm - it was so close now. Just -- there. Yeah.

He let out a shout of completion, opening his eyes to see Jim standing beyond Chris's shoulder, in the shadows of the room, a look of mingled anger, sorrow, and disgust on his face. Leonard choked on a sudden wave of shame, but he was too far gone to stop now, and he shuddered his way through his orgasm while Chris pulsed inside of him, letting out his own triumphant howl. He looked down, taking in the expression of unalloyed ecstasy on Chris's face, and when he looked back up, Jim was gone.

***

Ironically, it seemed that Chris didn't have anything to worry about, between Leonard and Jim. After what Jim had seen, Leonard couldn't face him. He avoided Jim like the goddamn coward he was, turning tail and fleeing anytime he saw Jim, despite Jim's obvious desire to talk to him. He didn't need to talk to Jim to be reminded how far he'd fallen. He was nothing more than a whore now, spreading his legs whenever he was told to, and practically begging for more.

He didn't hold out much hope that he'd be able to avoid Jim forever. Honestly, though, he'd expected to do better than three days. He'd forgotten how determined the kid could be - and more than that, how devious.

Leonard was enjoying his customary afternoon ramble around the property. He'd just reached his favorite spot - under the branches of a large spreading oak tree - and was sinking down to sit a spell, when there was a rustling above him and suddenly Jim Kirk was landing lightly on his feet, grinning down at Leonard.

"Gosh, Bones, if I didn't know better I might think you've been avoiding me. That could kinda hurt a guy's feelings."

Leonard rolled his eyes. "Nice to see some things haven't changed."

"You mean my persistence, physical prowess, and quick wit?"

"I mean you're still an infant."

Jim just grinned again, plopping down to sit facing Bones.

"Make yourself at home, why don't you," Bones muttered.

"Thanks, I will. Now, what gives? You looked happy to see me at first and now you're acting like I've got Andorian Plague."

Leonard looked away. "You know damn well what happened, Jim."

Jim's face darkened. "You mean I saw Pike raping you. Bones, you didn't honestly think I'd hold that against you, did you? I thought you knew me better than that."

Leonard was at a loss. He wasn't prepared for a Jim who wasn't disgusted with him. But Jim had got the wrong end of the stick. "Jim, I - "

"Don't worry, Bones, he'll get what's coming to him. No one hurts one of mine and gets away with it."

Leonard was a bit bemused at Jim's easy claiming of Leonard as "one of his," even after so long. He felt honored that Jim was so protective of him, but he couldn't let Jim believe something that wasn't true. He didn't want to say it, didn't want to see the disgust on Jim's face that this time _would_ be for Leonard. But he wasn't a liar, not even a liar by omission, and he wasn't going to start now, with Jim of all people. He blew out a sigh.

"Jim - it's not like that. With me and Pike, I mean."

"It isn't like what?"

"It isn't - rape." He had to look away as he said the word. "I - I'm a willing participant, okay? You saw - I got off too, after all."

He dared a peek back at Jim, expecting anger and revulsion, but all he saw was concern. "Do you think whether something is rape is determined by whether the victim gets off or not? Come on, Bones, you know as well as I do that certain physical reactions are involuntary."

Shit. He really didn't want to go there with Jim, didn't want to explain, but he was going to have to. "No, Jim. You've got it all wrong. I - I'm in love with him, all right? Now you can go ahead and hate me." He looked at Jim defiantly.

Jim just shook his head sadly. "Shit, Bones, you've been Stockholmed."

" _What?_ "

"Stockholm Syndrome, Bones. It's when a hostage - "

"I know what it is, Jim. I haven't been 'Stockholmed,' all right?"

Jim was unconvinced. "Oh yeah? You telling me you'd be here willingly - you'd have chosen to be Pike's bearer, his property - if you'd been given a choice?"

"Well, obviously I'd rather not be property. And maybe I wouldn't have chosen this life, or Chris, at first, but I've gotten to know him. Jim, he's not a bad person. He's been good to me. Patient. Gentle."

Jim muttered "Stockholmed" under his breath but Leonard pretended not to hear him. Silence fell for a few moments, and then Leonard suddenly remembered something that Jim had said earlier.

"Jim - what did you mean when you said that he'll get what's coming to him? And that no one hurts one of yours and gets away with it?"

Jim stared at him for a long moment, seemingly trying to peer into the depths of Leonard's soul. Then he shook his head slowly and regretfully. "I'm sorry, Bones. There's too much at stake. I wish I could trust you, but - I can't. Not your fault, man. But I can't."

"Jim, what the fuck are you talking about, and why are you being so goddamn mysterious?"

Jim grinned his quicksilver grin. "You know me, Bones, I like being cryptic, especially because I know how much it drives you crazy." Then he sobered again, so fast that Leonard almost doubted he'd seen that grin at all. "You've got to be careful, Bones. Things aren't what they seem on the surface."

"What things? How the hell can I be careful if I don't know what the I'm supposed to look out for?"

Jim considered that for a moment, then nodded. "All right. I can give you this much. Watch out for Hannah. She's a Regime spy. She watches all of you, but mostly she's here to keep tabs on Pike."

Leonard blinked at Jim in confusion. "A Regime spy? Jim, why on earth would the Regime need to spy on one of its own officers?"

Jim barked a laugh, then leaned forward and patted Leonard on the cheek. Leonard pulled back and glared.

"Oh, Bones, I'd forgotten how charmingly naive you can be." Then he sighed. "Look, all governments are paranoid, but one like the Regime? Doubly so. Look, just - watch what you say and do around her. And you did _not_ hear that from me."

"Sure thing, Jim." Leonard's head was spinning with Jim's revelations - why did everything have to be so damn complicated? He shook his head as if to clear it, and Jim gave him a sympathetic smile.

"Bones, you don't have an underhanded bone in your body. Everyone always knows where they stand with you. It's one of the things I always liked most about you."

He sounded so wistful that Leonard's heart ached for him. "Jim, I - "

Jim shook it off and stood up. "Got to be getting back before I'm missed. But Bones - something to think about - do you know exactly what it is that Pike does for the Regime? And don't you think you ought to know before you decide that he's not a bad person?"

And with that, Jim took off jogging into the trees, back towards the house. Leonard stayed beneath the tree for a long time, sorting through everything that he just happened. The things Jim had said, and just as importantly, the things he hadn't said.

Leonard may have been naive, but he wasn't stupid. So - all right. There was a spy for the Regime in the household. Hannah. Presumably to make sure they were all loyal to the government. He wondered if Frederick knew, if that was why he didn't like her. He wondered if Pike knew - knew that one of his own household was spying on him, reporting on him. Not that Leonard thought there would be much to report - from what Leonard could tell, Chris's loyalty was beyond question.

That, then, led to the topic that he'd been avoiding thinking about, from the first moment he'd been here. What was it that Chris did? It had to be something pretty important, for him to hold the position he did, have his own estate, servants, and his own private bearer.

Anything that was _that_ crucial to the Regime... well, it couldn't be anything good. Frankly, Leonard didn't want to know what it was. He slept better at night not knowing. But Jim knew him too well - now that the seeds of doubt and curiosity had been planted, there was no way he'd be able to let it go. Damn Jim for coming along and wrecking his comfortable state of willful ignorance.

That night, getting ready for bed, watching Chris undress, he knew that he wasn't going to have a moment's peace until he'd taken Jim's advice. He took a deep breath.

"What's your position with the Regime, Chris?" He winced a bit at how blunt the words sounded, but subtle had never been his strong suit anyway.

Chris looked at him, mouth tightening. "I'm a Commandant. You know that, Leonard."

Leonard flushed, pissed now. "Don't play games with me, Chris. You know what I mean. What, exactly, is it that you do in your duties as Commandant? What do you do for the Regime?"

If possible, Chris's mouth tightened even more. "Goddamn Jim Kirk," he said, instead of answering the question.

Leonard immediately caught the implication and his mouth sagged open. "How do you know his full name? Did you know him in the Before Times?"

For a moment, Leonard thought Chris wasn't going to answer. Then, reluctantly, he spoke. "I know George and Winona. I knew Jim when he was a young child."

Leonard gaped. "You know his parents? You knew his _father_? Good god, man, you've got to tell him. He knows next to nothing about his father and - "

" _No._ " Chris's voice was harsh. "Looking backwards does no good. Jim needs to learn that. You've just got to accept what is."

"The past has lessons, Chris, if we look for them. And Jim's father was a hero. Don't you think that's something we could use more of in this day and age?"

Chris's eyes hardened. "That's dangerously close to treason, Leonard."

"What, saying that we could use some genuine heroes? That maybe some things need changing? That things aren't perfect and that maybe the Before Times were better?"

Chris stepped forward and grabbed Leonard, one hand behind his head and the other clapped over his mouth. "Shut the fuck up, Leonard," he hissed, as furious as Leonard had ever seen him.

Against his will, his body reacted to Chris's proximity. His heart started racing, and his cock hardened in his pajama pants. He let out a muffled whimper against Chris's palm, hating how easily Chris turned him on, but unable to deny it. He saw Chris's pupils dilate and his nostrils flare as he took in the heavy musk of Leonard's sudden arousal.

Chris leaned forward to whisper in Leonard's ear. "I'm going to let you go now, Leonard, and you're going to get naked and get on the bed, face up. Don't say a single word unless I ask a question that requires a direct answer. Do you understand me?"

Leonard nodded helplessly, his eyes squeezing shut as his arousal threatened to overwhelm him. Chris chuckled darkly.

When he laid himself down, Chris surveyed him with an air of possession. "Let's give Hannah something to report back to her handlers."

And with those words, suddenly Leonard was pissed off, all over again. So Chris did know about Hannah - had known about her for who knows how long - and he'd done nothing.

"You goddamned coward," he spat. For a moment, there was a shocked silence as they both realized what he'd just said.

Then Chris was on him, twisting his arms up over his head painfully, pinning him to the bed with his body.

"You've got a smart mouth, don't you?" Chris asked conversationally. He sounded completely disinterested. It was the most chilling thing Leonard had ever heard. "You want to know what I do for the Regime? Fine, I'll tell you. I'm the Director of Domestic Security. I control the Home Guard - recruiting, training, and deployment. Riot control. Counter-terrorism. Sometimes I even handle prisoner interrogations personally. It's something I'm good at." At this, he gave Leonard a bleak smile, looking at him with eyes that, for the first time, held no hint of emotion. They were empty. Leonard shivered. "Is that what you wanted to know? Or would you like more detail?"

Leonard closed his eyes and shook his head. He didn't want to hear any more. Hell, he didn't want to hear what he already had.

"You have such lofty ideals," Chris said with a small smile and still with that empty look in his eyes. "But, Leonard, you knew I didn't pet fluffy bunnies for a living, didn't you? What I do - it's what allows me to have this home that you live in, the grounds that you ramble. The books you love to read and the food you enjoy so much. Hell, it's what lets me have you - if I didn't have the standing to acquire a private bearer, you'd still be in that hellhole, bending over for anyone who wanted to fuck you.

"Tell you what, Leonard - if you're so offended by my ill-gotten gains, if you're so revolted at the thought of what I've had to do for us to live like we do, then I'll let you go. I'll take you back to the Centre tomorrow, pick out a different bearer. You can go back to the way things were before you met me. Is that what you want? Tell me, Leonard. Yes or no."

Chris's body was rigid as steel over his. Leonard couldn't move a muscle. And he was trapped by Chris's gaze, frozen like a mouse in a hawk's shadow.

He should nod. He should open his mouth and say "yes" and get himself out of this whole situation. But - despite everything, he loved Chris. And he didn't want to leave Jim behind. And, in his heart of hearts, he had to admit that he didn't want to go back to the Centre. He'd been dying there by inches, a death of a thousand cuts. If we went back now, after having what he'd had with Chris - he knew he wouldn't last long. He wouldn't want to.

Slowly, painfully, he shook his head. Then he forced himself to say the words. "No, Chris, I don't want to go back."

He felt Chris's body relax against his as some of the tension left his frame. He felt Chris's lips, skimming his ear. Felt Chris draw in a breath as he prepared to speak. Then he heard a soft whisper. "I'm not the only coward in this bed, Leonard."

Chris rose from the bed and walked out the door, closing it behind him.

Chris now looked through him, not at him. They still fucked regularly, though Leonard couldn't tell if it was because Chris wanted to, or out of a sense of duty, or because he knew he was being reported on. Chris always took him from behind, now, with Len on his hands and knees or face-down, flat on the bed. There was no more foreplay, no lingering touches, no basking in the afterglow. No tenderness. Afterward, Chris would clean them both up perfunctorily and then roll to his side of the bed, sleeping with his back to Leonard.

Leonard had thought he'd known what it was like to feel like a whore. He hadn't had a clue. He knew now, though. And it was his own damn fault. He'd brought this down on both of them.

Chris was taking his meals alone, spending his free time in the study, and when he came to bed he didn't talk to Len, didn't look at him or touch him more than necessary.

Leonard, for his part, had stopped going out for walks. He didn't want to eat, couldn't sleep at night, listening to Chris's steady breathing next to him. The days were long. He didn't want to read, or watch the 'nets. He couldn't face Jim so he almost never went outside, and never when Jim might be around. He spent his time sitting listlessly on the armchair in the living room, and took long naps most afternoons that somehow never left him feeling rested.

Frederick and even Hannah seemed concerned about him, tried to get him to eat or take an interest in things. It did no good. He listened with half an ear when someone spoke to him and then sank back into a stupor as soon as they gave up. Every day, the thought of the laser scalpel tucked into his medical bag was more and more tempting. It was only a matter of time before he gave in.

Then one morning, when he was lying in bed thinking about nothing in particular, he felt a fluttering, low in his abdomen.

He froze. Maybe he'd imagined it. But no - there it was again. He'd felt it before, and it was an unmistakable sensation. He was pregnant.

It should have changed everything, and in some ways it did, but in some ways it changed nothing. Chris - the father of his unborn child - still wouldn't look at him. Leonard still couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, although now that he was paying attention, he was sure that some of his queasiness at the thought of food was morning sickness.

Because he hadn't been eating much, he hadn't gained any weight. But now that he knew, he would have to force himself to eat, for the baby's sake, and then he'd start to show pretty quickly.

He couldn't imagine bringing a child into this shithole of a world, but then, he wasn't sure he could survive losing another baby. He didn't know what to do, and it was tearing him apart. So he did the only thing he could think of. He went to Jim.

At breakfast, he told Frederick that he'd be taking a walk after he ate. Frederick smiled with relief and told him to take his time, enjoy the fresh air. Hannah gave him an encouraging look and a wink as he headed out the french doors.

He walked out past where Jim was weeding the garden. He gave him a small nod and cut his eyes toward the woods. Jim gave a minute nod back, and he knew he'd been understood.

When he got to the oak tree where he'd talked with Jim before, he settled himself in to wait. It didn't take long.

As before, Jim sat cross-legged across from him on the ground. He smiled, but his voice was serious. "What's up, Bones?"

He wanted to confide in Jim, but first, there was something he needed to know. "Why are you here, Jim?"

Jim looked at him in that disconcertingly direct way of his, like he could read all of Leonard's deepest secrets right on his face. Then he sighed. "You found out what Pike does for a living, right? I figured you were processing it and that's why you were avoiding me. I wanted to give you some space."

Leonard nodded slowly. "Yeah, I did. But that doesn't answer my question."

"In a way, it does, Bones. I'm here to assassinate Pike."

Leonard literally rocked backward. His eyes widened. "What the fuck do you mean, Jim?"

Jim's sigh was a bit impatient. "Assassination, Bones. I'm going to kill him." While he was speaking, he was taking something out of his pocket - it was a slim silver tube with a glowing green light at one end. Jim put it on the ground between them. "To make sure we're not overheard," he said by way of explanation. "I already checked when I got here, but this'll turn red if there's any listening devices or humanoid life signs besides ours within range."

Leonard gaped. This was all a bit too much. "Where the hell did you get that, Jim?"

"From the Resistance, of course. You didn't think I was just here on my own on some kind of personal vendetta against Pike, did you?"

Leonard hadn't actually gotten as far as considering _why_ Jim was here to kill Chris; his brain was still stuck on the fact that he _was_ here to kill Chris. He'd heard of the Resistance, of course - whispers among the Bearers at the Centre. But he'd always dismissed it as a fantasy, a fairy tale like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. A comforting lie that helped people make it through the night.

"The Resistance," he repeated dully.

"Yeah," Jim said, and now his voice reverberated with suppressed excitement. "We were tiny at first, but we're growing. And we're finally gaining some ground. We've become dangerous to the Regime - the first real threat to them since they took power. But they've got such a lock on information that most people don't believe we even exist." He looked pointedly at Leonard, who flushed. "Anyway, a high profile assassination is something they won't be able to keep under wraps, not completely. And once people know we're out there, and that we're really a threat to those in power - well, Bones, that might be the tipping point in this war."

"War?" Leonard felt like he was making his way through a dense fog. "What war?"

"Bones, come on, you're naive, but you're not _this_ naive. Of course it's a war. Pike mentioned that one of his duties is head of counter-terrorism, right?" Leonard nodded. "Well, who do you think the 'terrorists' are? We're at war, Bones, and the Resistance has lost a hell of a lot more soldiers than the Regime has. It's time to start evening the score."

"By killing Chris?"

"Yep." Jim nodded firmly. Then his eyes widened in horror. "Jesus, Bones, you're not still in love with him, are you?" Leonard looked away. "Oh, shit, you are. Fuck, he's got his claws into you deep."

"You can't kill him, Jim." Leonard forced himself to look at Jim, to let Jim see how important this was to him. "Find another target. There's got to be plenty of evil assholes in the Regime to assassinate."

Jim gave a short, humorless bark of laughter. "Bones, it took almost a year and cost two Resistance members their lives to get me in a position where I could do this. I can't just pick a new target."

Leonard took a deep breath. "Jim, I'm pregnant with his child."

Jim's eyes closed briefly. "Fuck," he whispered.

Leonard's breath came out in a shuddering exhalation. "Yeah. Look, Jim, there's got to be someone I can talk to. Someone high up the Resistance, your leader, whatever you call him or her. I've got to convince them that Chris, despite the mistakes he's made, despite the things he's done - he's not evil. I can't let this happen, Jim. You've got to put me in touch with the head of the Resistance."

Jim smirked, though the expression lacked its usual panache. "You're looking at him."

Leonard's jaw sagged open. He was aware he was staring like an idiot but he couldn't help himself.

"Jeez, Bones, thanks for the vote of confidence. You don't think I can handle it?"

Leonard considered Jim, sitting cross-legged in the dried leaves and dirt. There'd always been something about the kid - a spark. The potential for great things. He'd always had charisma to spare but he'd never been interested in being a leader. He'd been more likely to use his charm to find a willing bed partner for the night - or two or three. He was a genius but he used it for things like calculating the physics of pool so he could hustle beer money. It made sense, though, given everything that had happened, that Jim would have changed. That he'd have the focus he'd always lacked, now that he had a goal worthy of his extraordinary gifts and boundless energy.

Despite everything, Leonard had to smile a little. It was reassuring to know that horrible situations brought out the best in some people, even if they brought out the worst in most.

"'Course you can do it," he said gruffly. Jim gave him one of those genuine little boy grins that had always melted something deep inside him. "But if you're the leader, why are you here, on the front lines, so to speak? Aren't you too valuable to take this kind of risk?"

"Gotta lead by example, Bones." Jim shrugged. "I won't ask any of my people to do something that I'm not willing to do myself. Not gonna hide in a bunker somewhere and send other people out to die."

That was Jim Kirk, all right, through and through. He smiled again, but sobered when he remembered what they'd been discussing. "Please, Jim, I'm begging you. Don't kill him. He's the father of my child."

Jim's eyes softened but his voice was firm. "Bones, _you're_ the father of your child. He's just the bastard sperm donor."

"Not to me," he said simply.

Jim sighed. Then there was silence while he digested what Leonard had said. He could practically see the gears turning in the kid's head. Leonard held his breath, knowing that now his fate rested in Jim Kirk's hands, that his future would be determined by whatever Jim decided.

Finally, Jim spoke. "If it was anyone else on earth asking me this, Bones..."

Leonard's breath left him in a rush. It was going to be okay. "Thank you, Jim. I owe you a debt I can never repay." His voice was shaking.

Jim shook his head. "There's no owing between us, Bones. Never has been, never will be. You've saved me more times than I can count. I just have to figure out how the hell I'm going to explain this to my crew. Uhura's going to kill me."

"I still want to try to repay you somehow. Anything I can do, Jim?"

Jim looked at him speculatively. "Actually, yeah, we do need a doctor. And you can't stay here. You know that as well as I do. You don't want to raise your child like this."

Leonard took a long, slow breath. He didn't want to leave Chris. The mere thought of it made his stomach clench painfully. But Jim was right - he couldn't raise a child in this atmosphere, assuming the baby even made it to term. And... he couldn't live like this any longer himself. Whatever was between Chris and him was slowly dying anyway, poisoned by their respective positions in the Regime. Everything to do with the Regime was poisonous, and now that he'd been offered an out, he had to take it.

He nodded. "All right, Jim. I'll go with you. When?"

"Tonight," Jim said. "I'll call the abort code this afternoon and we'll be retrieved at midnight. We'll meet here, at this tree."

"Tonight? But Jim, that's too soon. I need time to - "

"To work yourself into a state of nerves and guilt? To say or do something that'll give away the plan to Pike? Or even to decide you'd rather stay with him after all? No, Bones. A quick, clean break is best. Tonight, or not at all."

Leonard looked at Jim, agonized, but Jim's eyes were steady. Sympathetic, but steady. He saw an inner steel in Jim that had never been there before. There'd be no convincing him to change his mind. And anyway, Jim was right. Leonard was no good at keeping secrets, never had been. He wouldn't be able to keep something of this magnitude from Chris for long.

So slowly, and with infinite heartbreak, he nodded. "All right, tonight. Where are we going? How far away from Chris will I be?"

Jim was already shaking his head as Leonard finished the sentence. "I can't tell you that. It's better if you don't know. If the plan goes to hell, you can't reveal secrets you don't have."

Leonard felt a chill. If the plan "went to hell," as Jim called it, what would happen to them? To Jim, to Leonard, to his unborn baby? Would he be interrogated? Tortured? Would Chris be the one to do it? He shook his head to clear it. It was better not to walk that road even in his thoughts.

Jim stood up, brushing himself off. "Listen, I've got to get back. Can you do this? Can you act like nothing's different today and then get out here at night without anyone noticing?"

Leonard gave it some thought. It wouldn't be easy, but... it wasn't just himself he had to consider now. He had the welfare of his unborn baby to think of. He nodded firmly. He would do this.

Jim nodded back, accepting Leonard's answer. "All right, then. I'll see you tonight, Bones. It's good to have you onboard." He grinned his quicksilver grin once more, grabbed and pocketed his monitoring device, and then loped off, disappearing into the trees.

The day dragged interminably for Leonard. Strange how on other days he'd sat in the same armchair and somehow hours flew by without him even noticing, but now it seemed like every second was an eternity.

Forget second thoughts - he was having third, fourth, and fifth thoughts. But in the end he always came to the same conclusion - he had to get out of here, both for his baby and for himself. He'd miss Chris like hell, but it was the only way. Finally, he fell into an uneasy doze, snapping awake when he heard the front door open and close, followed by the sound of Chris's voice.

He was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes when Chris came into the living room. He looked up and caught his breath. Chris was looking at him in a way that he hadn't in weeks, if ever. There was affection there - and maybe even something more. There was sorrow, and regret, and a whole host of other things that Leonard couldn't decipher.

He found himself standing up. "Chris, what is it? What's wrong?" Shit, did Chris somehow know? Maybe the game was up already.

In three large strides, Chris was in front of him, in his space, and then he was being engulfed in Chris's embrace. He heard a rough "I'm sorry," breathed into his ear, over and over.

Leonard squeezed his eyes shut and tightened his own arms around Chris. He still didn't know what was going on, but he couldn't stand seeing Chris suffer. "Shhh, it's all right," he soothed.

"No, it's not. But Leonard, I am sorry - for everything."

Leonard didn't respond. What was there to say?

For a few moments, they just held each other. Then Leonard pulled back far enough to see Chris's face. "What brought this on?" He tried not to sound scared, or suspicious, but wasn't really sure he'd succeeded. Luckily, Chris didn't seem to think there was anything odd about his reaction.

"I couldn't stand it anymore - this distance between us," Chris said simply.

Leonard searched his face, but didn't see anything there that indicated Chris knew or suspected his escape plans. He swallowed down a lump in his throat. This would have been easier - walking out, leaving Chris behind - if he could hold onto his hurt and anger. But he couldn't find it in himself to reject Chris. Despite everything, he still loved the bastard. So he laced his fingers through Chris's and tugged him toward the stairs. "Come on, darlin', let's skip dinner tonight. Take me to bed."

Chris's eyes darkened with desire and he nodded once, before leading Leonard up the stairs and into the bedroom.

They explored each other for hours, kissing, touching, sighting and gasping, just basking in their togetherness. And when Chris finally slid home into Leonard, oh-so-carefully, looking deep into his eyes, Leonard knew that Chris was it for him. There would never be another for him, as long as he lived.

He couldn't express what he was feeling in words, so he didn't even try, but he knew Chris understood him when he murmured, "Me too, Leonard. Me too."

Chris was slow and careful, as if Leonard was something fragile, something precious. He finally came inside of Leonard with a low, broken groan, and Leonard clenched around him, clutched at him with arms and legs, trying to pull him even closer, trying to pull Chris inside his own skin.

When Chris had shuddered through the aftershocks, he slid down Leonard's body and, without warning, swallowed down his cock. After so long on the edge, after having Chris let go and pour himself so sweetly into Leonard, he was so close that he gave a muffled cry and came immediately, right down Chris's throat. Chris hummed and swallowed around him, milking him of every drop.

Chris crawled back up his body, settled himself on his side next to a still-panting Leonard, and placed a possessive hand over him.

Len felt relaxed, boneless in a way that he hadn't in weeks. Whatever was to come, he couldn't regret this moment with Chris.

He closed his eyes and just drifted for a while, while the sweat cooled on his body and Chris breathed deep and even next to him. He felt the still-unexpected fluttering in his abdomen and then, the realization slammed into him that Chris could probably feel it too, with his hand on Leonard's stomach the way it was.

His eyes flew open and met Chris's, which were widening in shock. Chris's mouth dropped open and after a few seconds, he spoke in trembling tones. "Leonard - is that..." He trailed off, seeming unable to finish the sentence.

"Yeah, Chris, it is. I'm pregnant." Leonard held his breath, tense with uncertainty as to Chris's reaction.

What he hadn't expected was for Chris's eyes to fill with tears which he hastily blinked back. A tremulous smile lit his face, and grew until it was an enormous grin. In fact, he looked kind of smug. Leonard rolled his eyes but he was smiling too.

Chris gathered him in, pulled him tight against his body. Leonard clung back. The baby chose that moment to give a tremendous kick and Leonard heard Chris's breath catch. Leonard could feel the tremors racing through Chris's body, but he said nothing, merely stroking soothingly along his back.

"How long?" Chris asked, somewhat ambiguously.

"How long have I been pregnant? I don't know for sure but I'd estimate around 16 weeks, judging by the fetal movement. How long have I known? Only a few days."

Chris nodded and Leonard scowled, a thought occurring to him. "It's not Jim's, if that's what you're worried about. He hasn't been here long enough. Besides, it isn't like that with him. There hasn't been anyone else but you since we first met."

"I believe you, Leonard," Chris reassured. "And - there hasn't been anyone else for me either."

Leonard burrowed a little further into Chris's side. "I'm leaving, Chris," he whispered, the words escaping him without any conscious decision to speak. Then he froze. Chris tensed but stayed silent. Leonard could practically feel Chris processing the words, weighing and measuring their meaning.

"How? Where?" he asked after a moment.

"I don't know where. Somewhere far away. I can't raise a child like this, Chris. I can't. As for how..." he trailed off, knowing Chris wasn't going to like this.

Chris's arms were like steel bands around him, holding him fast. There were several long moments of silence. "Jim?" Chris asked hoarsely.

"Yeah," Leonard admitted.

"When?"

"Tonight." He heard Chris's sharp intake of breath, felt his arms tighten painfully but he made no protest.

"It's not safe out there," Chris said. "I can't protect you if you leave."

"You can't protect me here. You said yourself that I could be used against you by your enemies, as a political tool, a hostage. Imagine how much more tempting it would be for your enemies to use a child that way. It's not safe here, either. There's nowhere safe, not anymore."

Chris was silent again, and Leonard knew he'd won. He wished he could find some relief or happiness in the knowledge. "You could - come with us," Leonard said finally, hardly daring to hope.

Chris gave a bitter laugh. "No. No, I made my bed a long time ago and now I've got to lie in it."

Leonard started to say something, protest, convince him he was wrong but Chris cut him off. "Leave it alone, Leonard. We don't have much time left. I don't want to spend it fighting."

Leonard felt the tiny flare of hope he'd been nursing flicker and die. He swallowed hard, willing his tears back. "I'm going to miss you, Chris. You've got no idea how much."

"Oh, I think I have some idea." Chris's voice was dry but the pain behind it pierced Leonard to the core.

"I love you," Leonard said. "Never stopped. I'll never stop, even if I never see you again. I don't think I could stop the way I feel about you and I wouldn't choose to even if I could."

Leonard heard Chris's slow exhale. "I love you too, Leonard. I think I always have, no matter how hard I tried to deny it."

The pleasure of hearing those words was tempered by the agony of knowing that Chris was saying them only because they were going to be parted, likely forever. He wanted to scream, to rage, to tear down the house around them at the unfairness of it all. "I'll wait for you," he suddenly blurted. "I don't care how long it takes, I'll wait for you. I won't give up on us. I won't give up on _you_."

He could feel Chris shaking, just slightly. "No, Leonard, don't wait for me. Find what happiness you can, even if it's with someone else."

Leonard knew what those words must have cost Chris. But this time, Leonard wasn't going to let Chris push him away. "I can't make you come with me," he said. "But you can't make me give up on you. Deal with it."

Chris was startled into a chuckle, and this time there was even some humor in it, even if it was tinged with a kind of desperate sadness.

"Promise me you'll take care of yourself," Chris said. "Promise me you won't blame yourself if you lose the baby. Promise me, Leonard."

Chris knew him too well. He swallowed hard. "Yeah, all right, Chris. I'll do my best."

They held each other for a few minutes more. Then Chris tilted Leonard's chin up and covered Leonard's lips with his own. The kiss was demanding, taking everything he felt and giving it back in equal measure. It seemed to go on forever, the love and passion building until Leonard thought they would both catch fire.

Then, abruptly, Chris pulled away. He rolled away from Len and got to his feet. "I... can't stay here. I don't know if I'll be strong enough to let you go if I hold you any longer. I'm going to go to my study. Be safe, Leonard."

With those words he turned and walked out the door.

And when Leonard stole out of the house a few minutes before midnight, he didn't look back.

 

 _One year later_

 

Leonard scrubbed his hands carefully in the sink of the exam room, and winced as the walls rattled in the high winds outside. The tiny med clinic was a bit rickety, a temporary prefab shell pressed into service as a permanent doctor's office and hospital. It was hardly what he had been used to - the automatic sterilization fields, the diagnostic scanners and biobeds from the Before Times - but it didn't matter. He was practicing medicine again. He was healing people, helping them. It was the only thing he'd ever wanted to do and for the first time in a long time, he was at peace.

There was only one thing he was missing, but he didn't let himself think about that, at least not until the dark of night, when the thoughts came surging into his mind whether he wanted them to or not.

He shook his head. No time for that now. He had a full slate of patients this afternoon, from Gaila, to see how her broken arm was healing after a sexual encounter gone wrong which apparently involved climbing apparatus - and no, Leonard really did not want to know the details, thank you very much - to Jim, who had a legion of cuts and bruises but luckily nothing more serious after yet another death-defying rescue mission.

Christine poked her head into the exam room. "Doctor, you've got an unscheduled patient. He says he needs to see you and it's urgent."

Christine looked puzzled, as well she should. Their off-world base-camp wasn't so big that most of them didn't know each other by sight. New faces were a rarity, though not unheard-of, with all the crazy-ass chances Jim and his crew took to recruit for the Resistance and "extract" them, as he put it, from the Regime.

Probably someone Jim had brought in on his recent return. He sighed. Another lunch break foregone - he'd have to grab a nutrient bar between appointments. The damn things tasted like pressed sawdust. "Show him in," he said, trying not to sound too irritated. From the wince Christine gave, he hadn't exactly succeeded. Oh well.

He busied himself getting a sterilized set of examination equipment ready, not turning around at the footfalls as his new patient arrived. Finally, when he was good and ready, he turned around, holding a thermometer. "All right, let's take your - " his voice failed, the sound cutting off abruptly, as his jaw hung open.

Chris was standing in front of him, looking years older and wearier, but standing tall as always and with a different look in his eye than Leonard had ever seen before. Determination, and pride. That, and love that he wasn't even trying to hide.

"Leonard," Chris said. That was all he got out before Leonard had dropped the thermometer and stumbled the few steps to reach him, grabbing him tight enough that it had to hurt, but he didn't care, couldn't bring himself to loosen his old. He buried his face in Chris's neck, almost choking on a sob as a wave of emotions crashed over him - joy, love, anger, and most of all, overwhelming relief. Chris's arms came around him and for an endless moment they stood there, clinging together, nothing else in the world existing but them.

Then he felt Chris pushing him away. He let out a growl - and good lord, had that sound really come from his own throat? - and tried to hold on, but Chris was having none of it. He was speaking soothingly to Leonard and finally the words penetrated his consciousness. "Leonard, hold on. I'm not going anywhere. But there's something - someone - you've got to see."

Leonard couldn't imagine that there was anything he needed to see other than Chris, but he reluctantly stepped back.

And then Chris was reaching behind himself and nudging someone out from hiding behind his legs - it was a little imp of a girl, her eyes impossibly wide. But what drew his attention and had him falling, trembling, to his knees, were the dark glossy hair, the pointed nose, so like his own, and the stubborn chin, so like her mama's. He distantly noted that there were tears streaking down his face as he choked out, "Joanna."

Joanna cocked her head for a moment and then from the space of one breath to another she breathed, "Daddy." She ran forward and threw herself into his arms, and it was as if the sun had finally risen after a night that lasted for years. He was holding her, rocking her little body against his pounding heart, and she was clinging to him like she was never going to let go again.

Leonard looked up over her shoulder to see Chris's face. There was weariness there, but also a smile, and his eyes were suspiciously bright. Leonard mouthed, "Thank you." It wasn't sufficient - nothing could ever be sufficient to repay this - but he had to say it anyway.

Leonard didn't want to pull back from Joanna, but eventually she started squirming and he loosened his grasp, content to hold her at arm's length and look at her. She looked healthy and though her eyes were wide with astonishment, they didn't have the haunted look of someone who'd survived unspeakable trauma. He silently thanked God and Chris for bringing his little girl back to him.

Just then a noise penetrated the fog he was in - the unmistakable wail of a crying infant. It was coming closer, and then the exam room door opened and Christine entered, carrying a squirming, screaming bundle.

She froze at the scene in front of her, clearly unsure how to react. Leonard stood and took the baby gently from her arms and then pushed her out the door, shutting it behind her. She looked both curious and miffed, but too bad. He'd explain later. This was too private for witnesses.

The baby stopped crying and settled down to hiccupping and fussing quietly. Leonard looked up to see Chris, frozen, his mouth open just as his had been only a few moments ago. "Is that..." he breathed the words, apparently unable to complete the sentence.

Leonard nodded. His throat was thick, but he cleared it and spoke anyway. "This is your son. Christopher James McCoy. He was born seven months ago." He held the baby out, offering Chris a chance to meet his son. Chris made a choking noise and stepped forward. He awkwardly took the baby from Leonard's arms and stared into the tiny face. Leonard knew what he'd see - eyes as clear and gray as Chris's own. The baby stared solemnly up at Chris, seeming almost to already recognize the man holding him. Then he opened his mouth and let out an unholy screech. It devolved into wails and Chris hastily handed him back to Leonard.

Leonard took his son back, and the wails became cranky fussing. He crouched down again, letting Joanna get a look at the baby. "This is C.J.," he said. "Your brother."

Joanna stared at him intently, then wrinkled her tiny, pointy nose. "He's kind of noisy. And smelly," she said, looking doubtfully at her father.

Leonard chuckled, even if it was a teary laugh - it was sheer happiness. "You're right, darlin'. He is. I think he needs a change and then a bottle." He looked up at Chris. What do you say to learning how to change a diaper?"

He was sure the smile on his own face was just as wide as the one on Chris's. Chris wiped his eyes and then reached out for the baby again. "I'd love it," he said, and Leonard knew he was talking about so much more than changing a diaper.

Leonard stood and busied himself changing C.J.'s diaper, wordlessly showing Chris what to do. He didn't want to allow himself to hope, didn't want this one perfect moment of happiness to end, but he had to know.

"Are you - staying?" he managed to ask.

Chris nodded firmly. "I burned all my bridges. I got in touch with Jim a few months ago, and we set up an escape plan. I sent him all the classified information I could get my hands on, and then the day I left I sowed as much chaos as I possibly could - gave orders for the troops to disband, for the Regime's food supplies to be opened to the public, released all the 'terrorists' who were actually political dissidents and not criminals. I can't go back. And I wouldn't want to." He took a deep breath. "I'm going to join the Resistance. Help Jim and the others as much as I can. And... be with you. If you'll have me."

It hurt to see the fear of rejection in Chris's eyes, so very unlike any expression he'd ever seen on that proud face. He wanted desperately to reassure Chris, to take him in his arms and act like they'd never been parted. But he had to make something clear. "Chris... I'm your equal here. Not your slave. I won't go back to that, not for anything." He glanced down at Joanna, knowing that his declaration wasn't entirely true, but close enough. Chris would understand what he meant.

Chris took a deep breath. "I can't promise I won't be high-handed, or possessive. I've always been like that, even before... well, before. But I swear to you, Leonard, if you let me, I will be your partner, your equal in all things. And if I forget it, feel free to smack me." He smirked a little at that, but his eyes were serious.

Leonard nodded slowly. This had the feeling of a vow, a binding promise that would make them a family, and Leonard couldn't think of anything he wanted more. "All right, Chris. All right."

Chris looked relieved beyond words, almost sagging against the exam table where C.J. was wiggling, now in a fresh diaper and eager to be fed.

Chris picked up the baby while Leonard turned to the sink to wash his hands. Then he lifted Joanna up to sit on the exam table. "Want to learn how to give your brother a bottle?" he asked. She looked a bit uncertain, but nodded decisively. Leonard felt a bittersweet pang - that expression was so like Jocelyn's look of determination in the face of misgivings.

He rummaged around in the upper cupboards of the exam room, finding the extra bottle and formula he had stashed there. He made up a bottle while Chris stood close to Joanna, letting her touch the baby's face and the fuzzy green blanket he was wrapped in.

Leonard showed Joanna how to hold the bottle, while Chris held the baby. He looked at the man he loved, he looked at his children, and his heart had never been fuller. This wasn't how he'd ever expected his life to turn out, and he knew that there were difficult and dangerous times ahead, but - looking into Chris's beautiful gray eyes, he knew he wouldn't change a thing.

END


End file.
